Dissociative Identity Disorder

Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID), also known as Multiple/split personalities, is a mental dissociative disorder where the patient experiences separate states of personality. It is caused by childhood trauma, generally before the age of eight. Most of the time, they are unaware that they have an alter ego living in their body. This is because the alter who performs the daily tasks, also called the host, is protected from their past trauma. For example, I was not aware of my alters until around the age of 16, when I first learned about the disorder and related to the symptoms. I still do not know what happened, but some of them do. I am able to go about my daily life without the pain caused by the trauma. That might sound selfish, but it is there so we as a whole, can live through life. We are all one team.

There is no specific trauma that causes the mind to split, whether physical, sexual, or emotional. It is also important to note that everyone experiences trauma differently. You do not have to feel like your trauma is less horrible than someone else’s. This invalidates yourself. This disorder doesn’t develop after around the age of eight because it is said that every child is born without their personality connections in place, they are formed later on in life. For cases of DID, trauma causes these connections to form apart form each other, thus creating multiple personalities. Symptoms resulting from the disorder include headaches, depersonalization, amnesia, and derealization.

This disorder is very misunderstood and often misdiagnosed. It is very common for multiples to experience depression, anxiety, loss of time, suicidal thoughts, substance abuse, and auditory/visual hallucinations. One problem that aids the misunderstandings come from the stigma from the media and even medical professionals, some even believing the disorder to not exist.

I have DID. And I feel very misunderstood and misrepresented. I feel like people are scared of me when I tell them. You shouldn't be. It should actually be the other way around, and it very much is. DID is caused by extreme and repeated trauma in the early years of childhood. It forms as a coping mechanism. Generally one personality, or alter, as they are sometimes called, remembers the trauma in detail, while the others are able to go about "normal" life and be able to functionally live.

A quick side note about alters:

Also known as personalities, members, or head mates, they are the separate personality states in a mind affected by Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID). Every DID system calls them differently, based on their preferences. The main thing you need to know about alters is the fact that they are separate individuals from each other. They are not the same person. They could be of different genders, sex, species, ages, you get the point. They also have varying degrees of communication with each other, which causes the amnesia and time loss.

My goal with my stories is to help myself and everyone reading this understand what it's like from the inside perspective, and not just from the media and movies like Split. I also hope to teach readers more about the disorder to better help those they know of who have it.

To start, listen. Listen to the person and the others. It will build trust and friendship. It show that you care and are willing to learn and understand what they're going through better. Another thing is to do your own research on the disorder to find common aspects about it. This will enforce the listening.

Before I conclude this story, I want to mention one thing. Every single system is different, and they experience the disorder differently. A lot of times, people, or even the system themselves think that they might be faking having the disorder. Do not discredit yourself/others. Everything you go through could be completely different from the next person. Most of the time, you are supposed to think you are faking it because the whole point of having DID is to not know you have it.