Direct Hit on My Life
Day to day events with an alcoholic often feel as your world has been blown to bits.
The consequences of his actions have finally caught up to him, well, not him exactly, basically me. All the years he has done nothing but worry about when and where his next drink or drug was coming from has finally hurt someone other than himself.
We have lost our home, or are in the process of losing it anyway. We are being forced to find another place to live, and just how we are going to do that, I have not a clue yet.
We have next to nothing in cash, and he hasn't worked in almost two weeks now. I am beside myself. But, as he just sits around in front of the television doing nothing I am left to stress out over everything.
What a huge reality wake up call for me, because now I am 100 percent certain I cannot rely on him for anything, ever again. I must now figure out how to pack up all my things, secure a place to take them, and I guess also find another job to pay my bills.
I even approached the county to see if there were any options or aid available. That was a big waste of time, while we do not make much money now, we make more than we are allowed to receive aid. I have been banging my head in hopes of coming up with a solution as to how to keep a roof over our heads, lights on, and food in our stomach. It would be so great to have a partner, someone who would bear some of the brunt.
Not only has he managed to be one of the main reasons we lost our home, he has also added on a hundreds of thousands of dollars in medical debt. It does not matter what major issues slam our family, he remains sitting, expressing no emotions. I do not understand why he has became this way, sure I get it the booze blocks the pain. But, when the booze buzz wears off you are left with a headache, little to no money in your pockets, and whatever problems you tried to drink away have doubled in size.
I guess for now we will just go about life as we have, hoping and working, keeping the faith that a solution will come our way... or at least I will. I am positive he will go on working as little as possible earning, just enough to supply the demonic craving of alcohol, the one he can't shake and the one that has surpassed all morals and the love of family.
This is the one thing I know that I will come to the end of my life questioning, how does anyone allow anything so non-important to take over control of your life, to push aside all the things you have been taught growing up that are what matters most in the world? The really sad thing is I read more and more on this subject, and it appears as if everyday the numbers of people who have allowed this to overtake them appear to triple daily.
They can make laws to control prescription medications, how you raise your children, who and who isn't worthy of credit, but when it comes to alcoholism there just seems to be no one willing to stand up and say, 'hey this is also something that is killing our people, destroying lives, and families this needs to be addresses also.'
Back to my alcoholic spouse, he will end his life drunk, and on his terms, with no worries in the world... because as far as he is concerned there is nothing to worry about, never has been, never will be. Dear God, please help me find the answers and the strength I need to take care of these things myself.
I feel so totally alone in everything now. I don't know why this even sounds as if it is a surprise anymore.