Diary of a Working Housewife

Monday September 16th, 7 AM:

This morning on the way to dropping off my children, one at school and the other at grandma's house, I got an article alert from Medium Daily Digest on my phone that caught my attention. "You Might Not Actually Be Struggling with Depression, But You May Be Dealing With Depression's Lesser Known Evil Twin," Written by Benjamin Sledge.

In this article he discusses a condition by the name of Acedia, also referred to as "The noonday demon". This feeling of indifference and apathy that leads to numbness takes over your everyday life and makes you feel worthless. You start hating yourself for not being able to achieve the simplest of task. You detest the repetitive nature of daily chores and you feel indifferent and numb to your circumstances.

He explains that desert monks found themselves working in the morning and by noon they despised the repetitive nature of chores or work. After some time in these conditions, they felt little passion for life, they stopped praying, sleeping more, and they felt numb. This resulted to the monks hating life itself as they slipped deeper into the black hole of Acedia.

Sledge states that this condition can appear due to traumatic events in one's life, and goes on to mention a book he had read, Acedia and Me: A Marriage, Monks, and a Writer's Life, by Kathleen Norris. He quotes from Norri's book, "There were so many days when I woke up indifferent to everything, especially when my husband died...When he was alive, the care-giving had to be done so I couldn't be indifferent. But I think one fo the worst phases—and I don't want to malign the show because it was kind of entertaining—was when I watched an entire season of America's Next Top Model. In one sitting."

He writes, "Reading through the book, I nodded along and remembered times when I thought I'd been depressed only to discover I'd been battling its twin cousin. That old feeling of indifference and apathy leading to a numbness, only to spiral further out of control and despise being alive."

So what is Depression?

The American Psychiatric Association defines depression as a common and serious medical illness that negatively affects how you feel, the way you think, and how you act. Depression causes feelings of sadness and/or a loss of interest in activities once enjoyed. It can lead to a variety of emotional and physical problems and can decrease a person’s ability to function at work and at home.

Depression symptoms can vary from mild to severe and can include:

• Feeling sad or having a depressed mood
• Loss of interest or pleasure in activities once enjoyed
• Changes in appetite—weight loss or gain unrelated to dieting
• Trouble sleeping or sleeping too much
• Loss of energy or increased fatigue
• Increase in purposeless physical activity (e.g., hand-wringing or pacing) or slowed movements and speech (actions observable by others)
• Feeling worthless or guilty
• Difficulty thinking, concentrating or making decisions
• Thoughts of death or suicide

Though difficult to decipher, you might just have to ask yourself some questions in order to decide which condition you feel you are suffering from. Obviously, speaking to a professional may help you diagnose your condition.

As for myself, I've always felt that I was not going through a depression or feeling depressed. After going through a traumatic event a few years ago, my view on some things changed greatly. I resented the daily routine, and questioned my place in the world. I wondered, "What is wrong with me? I was so ready to get this and that done today!" Finally, what I have been feeling has a name: Acedia.

The good news is if this is what you have been feeling, you can fight it!

1. Try to break routine... just a little bit. Put on some music while you make dinner today rather than scroll through your social media.
2. Find something you've always loved to do and do it! Tap into your creativity.
3. Don't worry about the mess today, it will be there tomorrow!
4. Do not give yourself a long list of things to do... take it day by day.
5. Go outside! Sometimes a little walk helps clear your head!
6. Don't be so hard on yourself. Just achieving one thing on your to do list today is good enough!
7. Force yourself to stay off social media for two hours before bed and two hours after you wake up in the morning. This I heard helps with concentration.
8. Take care of your needs! If you are tired, sleep! Don't beat yourself up about napping.
9. Stay away from negative conversations. If you need to walk away from one, excuse yourself and do it!
10. Pray, meditate, or both! I find myself at peace when I say my daily prayer and thank the Goddess for all her blessings.

May the Goddess bless you all and surround you with her divine white light.

Venus

IG: Venus2926

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