Depression, the Secret We Share

Thankfully, my dedicated addiction to Pinterest has given me ample substance for helping both myself and those in need. If you haven't yet searched through TED Talks, you need to. I not only use them for my own knowledge and well being, I use them within my personal training and lifestyle coaching communities, and within my personal circles. Take a moment to check out this great post from Sarah Rose Coaching.

I want to call special attention to the last talk Sarah chose to include in her post: Depression, the Secret We Share. It is hard to talk about depression. How can people who have not felt more than sadness or grief truly comprehend this call consuming disease? Even within a community of depressives, we judge each other; compare and belittle each other's symptoms. How can we expect other people to understand what we can not explain? This talk is excellent to share with those you love so that they can begin to comprehend what it is you are battling.

Perhaps some of you have been able to articulate to the ones you love that this is a real, all consuming illness with true physical symptoms. Perhaps some of you have managed to sit down with your loved ones and they have given you open ears, waited for you to empty your soul and then ASKED how they can help you get better. This has not been my experience. I have not had someone listen to me with open ears, not interrupt my story (which was hard enough to begin and even more difficult to continue) and then not offer their opinion or justifications. I have not ever had someone say to me "I am so sorry you are in so much pain, what is the best way I can support you?".

It isn't completely their fault though, you see. Not only do I possess the sheer inability to ask for help, I am a liar. I am a very good actress, wielding a plethora of masks, ready hide my secrets in a way that is best suited to my audience. After all, it is they who are uncomfortable in the true presence of the illness that is consuming my soul, right? Fortunately, this is not entirely my nature.

This is a learned trait, a symptom of experience. I can assure you there are people reading this right now who will tell you I am lying; that I am a happy and joyful person. Please let me stress that being depressed does not always mean you are unable to find the happiness and joy in certain parts of life. It does not always mean that you are unable to smile, sing and dance. It does not always mean that you are committed to a life of complete isolation, absent of meaningful relationships. It merely means that the joy, smiles, song and dance are short lived. That your demons come crawling back in to drag you away from what you might otherwise become.

Let me leave you with this quote from Andrew Solomon, author of the above mentioned talk: "Depression is the family secret that everyone has".

And a response I received from a family member just after launching my blog:

"There was a time I thought you and I couldn't be more different. I'm discovering though that we are more alike than either of us realize"

This family member was right. I thought we were more different than words could explain. I belittled and shamed their symptoms, and they mine. I cast judgement on a life because I did not sit down with open ears and say "I am so sorry you are in so much pain. What is the best way I can support you?".

Take your masks off. All of you. You do not need to protect yourself so vehemently. If you do not have anyone with whom to sit down and empty your soul, welcome to your new family. Let me be the first to say to you "I am so SORRY you are in so much pain. What is the BEST way I can support YOU?".