Depression and Anxiety
What it’s like to live with depression and anxiety.
Depression and anxiety are mental illnesses that I wish upon no one. They both ruin your life. They both make you believe you're not worth it. You want to do something with your life but something is holding you back. All you ever want to do is lay in bed and sleep. You can feel sad and lonely even if you have people around. You don't like to rely on people because you think you're bothering them. You can walk out of your house and your heart begins to beat uncontrollably. Anything you do makes you overthink. You keep everything inside and that's slowly killing you.
The saddest part is that no one believes you. They sometimes treat is as a cold that could go away overnight. If it was that easy, no one would have it. No one would think less of themselves. All they say is "Quit being lazy." "Stop exaggerating." "Your fine now right?"
Every night can be the same. Laying wide awake with your brain wanting to rest but your body ignoring the signals. The mind can wander off to dark places that you can't control. Thinking about the worst things that could or have happened. Your chest always filled with fear. Laying there feeling dead, out of energy to even want to try anymore. Some nights having to cry yourself to sleep just to finally get some rest.
If you sleep all day they just consider you lazy. They get you in trouble for just wanting to lay in bed all day. They don't know that you've given up. They don't know that all you can think about is death. You don't want to try anymore. You want to stop breathing. You want to stop pretending you're fine. You want to stop self-harming and be happy for once. You believe it will never happen. You've stopped dreaming about the day where you'll finally happy.
The thing that's truly hard is being yourself. You don't want to disappoint people so you do as they say. You're living in their dream and not your own. You believe if you tell them what you want to do they won't be supportive. They'll just think it's a childish dream and need to do something that's worth it, so you can make a lot of money. All you truly want to do now is fly away to freedom. Leave everything behind and never look back.