Depression

As humans, we talk about a lot of different things out in the public eye. But something we don’t bring up as much is depression and anxiety. We all feel depressed or anxious at one point or another. But some people live it every day. This is the story of a girl who went through just that. That girl is me.

When I was younger, until I was 4, I lived with both of my parents. The first few years of my life were great. I had both my parents and my little sister. But around my sister’s first birthday, my dad cheated on my mom with my aunt.

When I was 7, I had discovered my mom had been doing drugs. I was too young and innocent to know before then. From there, things only got worse.

My mom had been to jail in and out all through my life, and I was finally getting old enough to understand these things more and more. That was the beginning. I changed. I wasn’t as happy. I was upset a lot more, sometimes without even a reason. My mom never noticed because she was too busy feeding her addiction.

When I went into 6th grade, me, my mom, sister, and grandma moved cities, trying to start over. From there, it only got worse. I had to move away from my closest friends and my mom still never stopped. She kept going and feeding her addiction more and more each day. I would wake up, and she would be gone. I started getting more and more feelings and I could never say anything because I never wanted to get my mom in trouble. I was so emotionally unstable. It was like the old me, the happy me, had been locked far away and I couldn’t find that part of me. I had to fake a smile for everyone, and they all bought it.

The only time I was at peace was when I had headphones plugged in my ears. I listened to Bea Miller constantly. Her music was my only escape from reality. Then I would get pulled back into the life I called hell. It was like getting a brick thrown at my head over and over again.

I found this app, Wattpad, and I wrote a book on there, a fanfic based on a movie. In a few weeks, that book had 6k reads, and I actually felt happy. This girl started commenting, and we became best friends. We talked on Wattpad for a while, then we talked on discord. I met a few more great online friends too.

They were so supportive, always trying to help with my problems and letting me rant. I always tell myself, “How can they help when they have no clue what demons they’ll go up against?”

Nothing can defeat the demons in my head. Nothing. No person can stop them—not me, my friends, no one. I constantly feel so alone and lost. I feel like the sun will never shine on my dark world. I can feel that demon clawing its way through my whole body, and it won’t stop until it’s completely taken over.

I finally gave in and let that demon win. I told my friends I was leaving discord. I was sent over the edge, and I finally gave in to that voice telling me to leave, they’ll do better off without me. I sent my best friend a personal goodbye to thank her for everything she’s done for me.

I hate being the way I am, and I’m working on improving myself. Little by little, I’m killing my demon. And I won’t stop until I’ve won this war going on inside of my head.