Dealing With Bad Incidents
We have all been there, haven't we?
We have all been there, haven’t we?
There is a social setting and we are behaving apt. Using all our knowledge and wisdom to ensure not a wrong word uttered, not a wrong deed done. Patient. Calm. Composed. Saying the right things. Acting the right way. All good!
And then it happens:
All of a sudden something triggers. All of a sudden something provokes. All of a sudden something happens.
An accident OR
We lose our patience, calmness and composure. And then we explode!
And then we either say such a thing or do such a deed we are not supposed to say/do. We behave in such a manner in that brief impulsive moment that we become someone else. Something else.
It has happened: a bad incident has occured!
After a short while, when we find ourselves alone or in a favorable environment, we begin asking the question: Why did I do it? How did it happen?!
In that immediate heat, we cannot admit that we have wronged and done something we shouldn’t have done. And so we begin justifying ourself — to ourself.
But then time passes and we begin admitting to ourselves that we have made a mistake. We have made an error we shouldn’t have made. How did we even let that happen!
That is when we stop justifying ourself and guilt takes over. For a few days, the guilt becomes us. It occupies us to such an extent that an anxiety persists, constantly. We argue with ourself.
We try justification. We try rectification. We try confession. We try correction. But the anxiety remains. The thoughts won’t spare us. Peace of mind becomes elusive:
That bad incident gets worse and worse.
And then more time passes. First, the anxiety vanishes. Eventually, the thoughts stop drifting to that incident. Finally, we get engaged somewhere else, in something else.
That bad incident which was monstrous a few days ago, suddenly dims. It becomes vague and unnecessary. We can finally laugh at it. Joke about it. It no longer generates that fear, anxiety and guilt!
‘Maybe it wasn’t as big an issue as we made it’, we wonder!
That is when we say to ourselves — Time surely does heal everything.
We have recovered.
But what actually happened during all this?
Was the incident not bad at all or Did we correctly address the problem?
I think all this process has nothing to do with the goodness or badness of the incident. Nor has anything got to do with us addressing the issue. It is all due to our character. We stepped out of our comfort zone. In fact, we were pulled out of our comfort zone by the situation. We said or did what we had to. We were challenged. We were questioned. We were insulted. Accidents happen! We had a bad day.
As to the things we said/did, I think we would have said/done the same thing eventually. In a different manner, perhaps! But it doesn’t matter. We would feel the same way no matter what we did in the duration of misery.
The recovery eventually happened once our brain experienced enough to wash the incident away. New images, new sounds, new smell, new tastes, new sensations, new concepts, new ideas, new work. Our brain finally moved on!
I think the duration of recovery depends on our individuality. For me, it is about a week. One things for sure though — the more experiences and work we provide our brain, the faster we can recover. Independent of the corrections we make.
Bad incidents happen. They will happen. We all are imperfect creatures after all, no matter how much pride humanity shows in itself. Humanity still has a lot to learn, experience and develop. We are merely its part.
Let us try to remember to be calm during challenges.
Even if something bad happens, let us do the right things first and then bombard our brain with a crazy amount of experiences.
About the author
Thinker, Writer, Experiencer of Mind, Life, World.
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