Dancing with the Black dog

As the world is struggling with the Covid crisis, and its aftermath it seems to be a little self-absorbed to be considering Depression, and what it means or does to ourselves.

Any of that first paragraph seem familiar to you?

Well, do not feel as if you are alone in this. It is a classic self rebounding thought process of the depressed mind. treating your own condition as something that you should be ashamed of, or hide. Think about it, if you suffer from depression you spend a lot of time analyzing and criticizing yourself and blaming yourself for what is happening. The downward spiral is self-reinforced at every point. This is what makes it so difficult for outsiders to understand.

One thing to get straight in your mind, the most important thing you will ever learn about how to deal with your situation is this. YOU can not stop the slide down, You are not responsible for your condition, It is NOT YOUR FAULT. And as soon as you can understand that, and accept that you are on your way to the place where you can start the long road back.

Let us look at that for a while, it may seem as though we are saying that depression is inevitable. No, we are saying that once the slide into the fog, the dance with the black dog starts, any attempt to stop the slide with drugs, alcohol, mindfulness, self-help videos, all of that. will not help. it will not stop it.

Depression is a combination of susceptibility, circumstance, and environmental factors, and BOY has the last few years been ripe with those. As the saying goes, we should try to change what we can, and accept what we can not change. At the moment we can not change how society is reacting and changing to the Covid crisis. We can change how we ourselves react to it.

But let us, for now, concentrate on you.

Depression does not mean suicidal, not in all cases. It does not mean sadness, it is a combination of things and is medicaly accepted to be a Brain function imbalance. It can be treated in some cases with drugs, but believe me when I tell you that even then it does not cure the cause.

What you need to do, in the first instance, and as a thing to get you started on the road back up. Is identify what set off this fall in the first place. That can often be the hardest thing to do. Because once you start the slide, everything seems to be a trigger.

It could have been work issues, it could have been a casual comment from someone, grief, loss, even something as silly sounding Like a piece of music playing at the wrong time triggering memories of the last deep slide into the fog. no matter, try, think about what it was, and I know here that many of you will have been thinking about that thing time and again, over and over.

Now you have that or think you have that. forget it. every time you find yourself trying to go over that thing, remind yourself, forget it. ignore it. It has no more power over you. You are bigger and better than that. And oh boy is that going to be hard. You are going to find every excuse to go over it again and again, like a hole in your tooth, or that irritation spot that develops on your lip. you will just HAVE to feel that again.

Because it is familiar. it gets to be the warm comforting blanket of numbness to shut out the world. And all the time you have that little thought, it's just not worth it.

How familiar is this? feeling as if I have to have been through this? Feeling as though you don't have to listen? GOOD.

Having that thought to push back, to differ in opinion is a sign that you are waking up. That you are taking back the tiniest bit of control.

such a small step, but when you look back you will realize. THAT is where I started to fight, that is where I said Enough, time to get my life back.

It sounds so simplistic does it not? and yes it is, because it is not a remedy. It is the first small step on the long steep climb, and there will be setbacks, there will be times when the warm comforting blanket of the Grey fog is trying to welcome you back.

For all the help that is out there, for all the friends and family that are willing to help and support you back they are NOTHING without that small determined voice in your head that says " I have had enough, If I can put myself here, I can take myself away" and by that I mean away from the dog, away from the fog. and realize it is one small step at a time.

Generate small rewards for yourself.

Things that will stick in your mind to remind you of good times and feelings.

The smell of fresh rain on hot pavement.

The sound of gentle waves on a pebble beach.

A child laughing

The smell of freshly washed linen.

The feeling of being in the warmth of your bed looking out at the rain.

What is the smell, or the sound, or the touch that triggers warmth in your heart. You know that you have them, and they are powerful.

How powerful?

Well here is a parting thought. If it was one small, tiny comment, or happening, or circumstance that started you off on the slide down. how much more powerful is the thought of your Mothers love? Or nature's bounty?

You have now started to realize and accept that YOU are there for yourself, that YOU can do this. You are worth the effort. Every day, every moment, Every thought.

May this help, may you be blessed with the road up. May you sit on the Pebbled beach listening to the waves and the child's laughter with hope and smiles. you deserve it. More than you know.