Creative Anxiety

As a human on this wonderful planet, you would be lying through your teeth if you said you have never experienced or felt anxiety. It is just a sensation as real happiness or sadness. This sensation can be felt while trying to be creative. Let us delve into what anxiety really is by it's formal definition.

What is anxiety?

According to its formal definition, anxiety is a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease about something with an uncertain outcome (we do not like society's half attempt to define anxiety). If you are a person who likes understanding something fully, then the definition does not really mean jack. It is not really saying much to me; it is the same as saying that happiness is felt when one smiles a lot and enjoys something. Wow, really helpful (sarcasm by the way). So, what the heck is anxiety really?

Anxiety: How I See It

Anxiety is an alarm of sorts—yes, an alarm. It is an alarm that goes off when you're not being yourself, it reminds you to stay true to your authentic self. Think about it, let us say you were trying to share a picture of yourself on a social media platform. People get anxious about that. People feel worried about who is going to see that picture, people feel nervous about how many people are going to see that picture, and people feel uneasy about the uncertain outcome of the amount of interaction they are going to receive from that one picture. This a case where one starts feeling all that annoying anxiety. Think back to when you were a child, most people rarely ever felt anxious about anything in those stages of their lives, why? Simple, you were being yourself one hundred percent no matter what the circumstances, but society would tell you, "No, that is wrong," or, "Do it this way because everyone does it like this." So, as you grew older, you stopped being yourself and with it came anxiety. Anxiety is an alarm that tells you: "To hell with that! Be yourself. Do you."

Creativity

Creativity is freaking awesome, right? The ability to create something from nothing. The ability to look at something and think to yourself, "Wow this was just an idea in my head and now I am actually experiencing it outside of my own mind." I want to share a little story with you. Two years ago I started making beats, but not for anyone else, just for myself (and yes I really sucked at first). It was not long before I started comparing my work with that of an American producer named Metro Booming. I was obsessed with making music that sounded like his, simply because he was clearly better than I was at the time. So every single day I would castrate myself to this craft until I was convinced my beats were at a level I was satisfied with (Metro Booming level). Two months later, I was bored with that sound because those creations did not reflect who I was. They reflected Metro. So I started making music that defined me, being myself through my music. A year later, I started sharing my music. Naturally, as a human being, I cannot resist the urge to share and be social with fellow human beings even though I am extremely introverted. I started getting some traction on some online platforms. Not long after that, I met a very talented artist who visited for some days and made awesome music, and made me feel like I could not make music at all. I wanted to be on that same level, so I went back to the drawing board and reinvented myself. With this evolution came a lot anxiety, creative anxiety, because with each creation, I began to worry whether or not my art was at the same level as his and I was uneasy about the uncertain outcome of how many people would receive and appreciate my creations. Nothing really has a certain outcome if you ask me.

The conclusion? Be yourself.

This creative anxiety lead to me having anxiety for a lot of things outside my creative realm. I would get anxious for almost everything; even when I went to the store I would tremble and sweat, though the only thing I had done was just walk in. Remember I stated that anxiety is an alarm of sorts? Well, the alarm was ringing like crazy in that stage of my life. The alarm was reminding me to be myself with everything that I do. So I went back to the drawing board, with a new goal. This goal was to be myself completely. Now I create content that reflects who I am and I have got to say this is my best work to date. My head feels clear. I cannot wait to share these pieces of me with the world. The greatest thing you can be is not who or what you want be, but being your greatest version—that is the greatest thing you can be.