Crashing into Life Part.1
a story of my anxiety being tangible
A conversation about me crashing based off my own anxiety
I’m never at ease, always in a hurry, anxious, uptight almost. Consistently thinking and at times that thought process can cause crashes almost instantly.
I’m speaking figuratively and literally. At times I crash because of my overthinking. My mind can rush into a daze that flurries my psyche into millions of thoughts that distract me consistently over the course of a moment.
And at that moment, I can crash. Actually, In those moments, I have literally crashed.
I’m going to tell you a couple of stories About how I’ve crashed twice this year while driving, and how my thoughts can be the catalyst for said crashes.
I was driving upstate in New York to my alma matter right after a storm. A friend of mine accompanied me. He was expecting to visit his girlfriend and surprise her.
His excitement ran across his face as he loved visiting this school. And for good measure, the social climate up there was prime for him. A young 20 year old kid, enjoying the fruits of a college atmosphere.
For me, I was 25, chasing careers and other miscellaneous ideals that would further solidify me in the world at the time. Nevertheless, I needed a weekend away from the madness and decided to take my friend up to the school. A three and a half hour drive was nothing, especially in my New vehicle, my 2012 Chrysler 300 that I got in late October last year
I was entering a new realm, and I decided to take space from it to enjoy a past life.
Therefore, we took the wonderful journey through the frozen tundra past a storm that was brewing. Into the cold escapades called northern New York ( the north country).
For the most part, the ride was smooth, no bumps, no troubles. Just a nice ride into the mountains. My Chrysler felt like a space ship, or what a spaceship would feel like in my imagination.
Slowly and gracefully cruising through space on our way to our destination. That is until things took a turn for the worst.
We had been smooth sailing the entirety of the 3 1/2 hour ride, until we reached the 20 minute mark.
That’s when it all went bad.
Suddenly, I felt the car slip, and my control over the wheel vanished. The instant slide threw terror into my eyes as I realized I had cruised over a sheet of ice, and my vehicle I coveted turned into a potential death machine. The car rumbled and ravaged through the snow. My friend stated complete fear as his peace was disturbed and his life flashed before his eyes.
We had slid off into a snow bank, and the car laid suspended on top of two feet of snow. There we sat in complete darkness, literally twenty miles from our destination. All because instead of pacing myself I wanted to race to the finish line.
Therein lies the dilemma, thus why I crashed. I was driving at 55 miles an hour around a 25 mph turn. Cruising, not paying attention at all and It nearly costed me my life.
Why is that? Because I rush through life and end up crashing, I’m over anxious and consistently attempting to get to the finish line as fast as possible. Therefore, I find myself crashing all the time. I learned a valuable lesson that day.
Take your time, you’re not missing anything. Breathe, it’s okay, when you pace yourself you make it safely to your destination. Enjoy the journey, before your sabotage everything in the process. I came close to ending it all because I wanted to sprint the marathon.
It took an hour just to get out with the help of a trooper, a tow truck, and some friends. The crash costed me 150 dollars, plus an extra 3700 to fix the damages to my vehicle that it’s still recovering from. ( luckily for me I have a warrant we do I only paid 700$). However, had I taken my time, patiently coursed through I would’ve saved all aid that time and money spent.
Moral of the story, take your time, pace yourself. It all works out better that way. Stop pushing for things, let them come to you. I find myself often being impatient and jumping the gun on a lot of things. Nowadays I pace myself, sit still and allow stuff to happen, rather than attempting to make it all work out on my time.