Counseling And Therapy For Addiction and Mental Health

I was meeting with a man for the first and last time in a session that usually did not go this way. He asked if I could hear his confession. I told him that I was not a priest and that if it was a crime or involved hurting himself or another, I could not keep that secret as a priest could. As he started to talk, he made it clear enough without saying it that he had killed someone. Or that at least he was paid to hurt others and paid well to do that. I told him that people in recovery will often make amends by offering to not do that thing anymore. Then he said, “I probably couldn’t do that. I believe that if I’m paid to do this again, I will.” I was thinking how I really didn’t want to carry around his crime or crimes with me. I then said that I would like to help him but I was sure that his best bet would be to speak with a priest and I encouraged him to do that as soon as possible. Our session ended. I think back on that day often. I was new to the position of counselor. A few years later, I was told in a high-speed chase with law enforcement, with him on a motorcycle, he went off the road and became paralyzed for the rest of his life. I was told he is living in a nursing home and that is probably where he will live out his days. Could I have done something different. Something that may have prevented this from happening? This time and others I would look back to see if there wasn’t something that may have changed the circumstances.

When I worked in an inpatient treatment center as a primary counselor I had a client for thirty days that I didn’t want to let go. He was recommended for halfway house but he had nothing like probation to get him to go. He was not going. I had the sense it was not a good idea for this man to go home. A beautiful man with so much sadness. Six months later I was told that he committed suicide. I looked back at records. Did I do everything that I could have done? This was the first time this happened. I decided to be better trained about suicide prevention. I did that.

I decided that trauma, grief and loss was the main reason people make it to treatment. They use drugs and alcohol to medicate the trauma, grief and loss. I would get better at that kind of work. I thought every counselor did that work and years later I found out that no they do not. I do a training when I can to ask people to consider doing their own trauma work, to work better with others. All of this has been due to my early counseling experiences. I suppose we all need those early experiences; however, couldn’t that be a part of the curriculum for all helpers?

A man that I worked with did not want girlfriends, and he had been married and he had two children. At first, I was not sure I could work with him as he had been found guilty of incest with his teenage daughter. It was handled in family court and he did no jail time. He ended up divorced from his wife with restrictions to stay away from the family home and children. As I got to know him, he told me that sex was always difficult for him and then I learned of his extensive abuse history. He appeared to be an easy friend to have and in recovery he built trust quickly. He made amends to his wife, son and daughter. And he made up his mind that he would help others. Sometime later I ran into him and he was continuing to do well. Still helping others. Still single.

In my life outside of counseling I happen upon people struggling with life, I met a woman on the plane that I could help. I slept most of the trip and when I woke, we talked and by the time we landed she was sobbing on my shoulder and her husband was looking at me like who in the H are you? When waiting for my husband to bring the rental car that woman came by smiling and talking to her family and when she walked by the window I was standing at, she waved and smiled and whispered thank you and told her family who I was. There are rewards in that too.

In a way, counseling has given me the opportunity to do my own work on my trauma, grief and loss. In addition, I am giving back for all that I have been given. I learned early in counseling to leave my work at work. I learned that people have been surviving a long time without me and will continue to survive without me. Aging has been a trip. I don’t need to worry too much about counseling as I am only doing one group a week and most of the people I will only see once or twice, although I have been around long enough now to see two young men 5 or 6 times. Each time they appear to have gotten better. I’m hopeful that I will only see them in the community some day and not back at the crisis shelter and not hear of their passing from their illness.

I love hearing how I have helped someone. Then when they say what I said, many times I don’t remember saying that. It’s not that I didn’t say it, it’s just more than likely I said it with the help of God as I pray to help me to say what ever will help this person I am talking too. I especially do that with my children and grandchildren when they are in crisis. I don’t want to try to lecture, control or tell my children/grandchildren what to do. Listening and providing a good example is usually best.

I have had so many rewards in my recovery and counseling/therapy are just a small part of it. Without recovery, I can not even imagine trying to help others. How do you do that without recovery. Now before we get into it over, my maybe thinking counselors can’t counsel alcoholics or addicts unless you are an alcoholic/addict, or without a mental health diagnosis you can't counsel someone with a mental health diagnosis. I don’t believe that. One of my best addiction counselors was not an addict or alcoholic. And she busted me every day for 30 days with things I was saying.

Being remarkably real is facing mistakes, human frailities, and recognizing I may not be fit for some of what I have done for a good part of my life. Then admitting that there have been many more successes than fails and what would have happened without my small part in there. And how do we learn the lessons we learn without some failures? Being remarkably real is being human and acknowledging whatever it is we are now, in the present aware of.