Coping With Grief and Loss

Grief is something that is unique in that everyone feels and processes the pain in a different way. Most people have heard about the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. But there are people that don’t go through all five stages before they begin to heal, and others that do go through all five and still aren’t healing. The path to healing is uniquely your own.

There isn’t a right way to process your grief or a certain period of time before you should feel better. I like the analogy that grief is like a large ball moving around in a big room, there is a button in this room that triggers that soul-sucking feeling of pain and loss. As time goes by this ball will get smaller and hit that button less, but it will still sometimes hurt. There doesn’t always need to be a trigger to set off the feeling of grief, but keeping aware of possible triggers can help hit that button less.

Good ways to help cope when this button does get hit are probably words you have heard from others but have brushed off, trying to be strong, but there is no weakness in feeling the pain of grief, and there is some truth in their suggestions for you.

Some tips are:

-Therapy

-Support Groups (In-Person, Facebook, Meetups, Etc.)

-Friends or Family

-Writing out lists of things you are grateful for or that make you happy

-Identifying triggers to your grief so you can avoid them to help the healing process

-Be patient and kind to yourself

Self-care and kindness to yourself are key when it comes to the healing process. You should always push yourself to do better, but not to the detriment of your health, both mentally and physically. Do what you need to do to the best of your capabilities so you can come back stronger and healthier than your pre-grieving period.

Whether you are feeling grief because of a breakup, losing a friend, losing your job or house, the death of a friend or family member, a miscarriage, or something else. Your grief is valid. No one can tell you when you should be feeling better. No one can tell you that you are grieving ‘wrong’. Your pain is your own, acknowledge and own it, it is uniquely yours and no one else can know more about it than you. Ignoring it won’t make it go away or make it better either.

On the other hand, it is also okay to be happy. I know that may sound silly, but being happy doesn’t mean you are invalidating your grief. You haven’t forgotten your loss just because you let yourself be happy. Find that happiness in the smallest of places, it will help fill that gaping hole of grief if only a little.

Most importantly remember to love those closest to you. Life is too short and fragile to be wasted on ‘what ifs’ and ‘if only’s. Don’t let your grief win and don’t let it take you away from those who are most important to you. While they may not understand your pain right now, they are probably worried and concerned for you.

Please reach out for help if you need it.

Be Strong

Be Brave

Love as Much as You Can, Including Yourself.

Suicide Hot Lines:

(800) 273-8255 ….. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

(877) 838-2838 ….. Vet2Vet Veterans Peer Support Line

(800) 784-2432 ….. Spanish Speaking Suicide Hotline

(877) 968-8454 ….. Teen to Teen Peer Counseling Hotline

(800) 472-3457 ….. Grad Student Hotline

(800) 773-6667 ….. Postpartum Depression Hotline

(866) 488-7386 ..... LGBTQ Trevor Project Suicide Hotline