Concussion Part 2:

I am not going to pretend that I am being positive during the recovery process. I am not going to try to convince anyone else to try to be positive during the recovery process. It is rough and it is only been almost two weeks since the accident.

Some physical symptoms:

- I am not always thinking straight. I think one thing and for some reason something else comes out of my mouth. Then the other person is briefly confused until I explain myself.

- I forget things very easily if I do not repeat it over and over or write it down.

- I do not recall a lot of past memories my family has brought up to me recently.

- I am very sensitive to light. Mostly florescent lights. My eyes will strain and things suddenly become blurry if I stay in the florescent light (which the clinic I work at is filled with them) and then a not so light headache comes on.

- A light headache is always there but sometimes will suddenly feel like an increase of pain for a good 10-30 seconds then go away until it decides to come back again.

- I cannot stand on my feet or do a lot of work (no matter if it is easy or not) without my brain feeling fuzzy.

- It take my brain at least an hour to be able to get into "work mode" and that process does not start until after I clock in.

- I have yet to work a full day at work. This can be frustrating for money purposes and work is a form of therapy for me. It gets me out of the house.

- I am not as social or approachable as I used to be. I have not been wanting to have personal conversations at my work or at home (except for a select few). I just have not been comfortable opening up to anyone whether they say they can relate or not. 'Resting bitch face' has been a new normal the past couple of shifts.

I was advised to take krill oil and omega 3, 6 and 9 supplements. I did start doing that at least. I have been having to do breathing exercises for the emotional symtoms. I am going to see my primary care doctor this week. I really hope to learn new information to share for anyone else going through this or has a loved one going through this.

The emotional symtoms are the hardest to deal with. Thank goodness I talked to a friend who has been through many concussions and helped me understand that I am not going crazy. These emotions are not JUST due to stress and post accident anxiety. The brain injury could definitely be a big cause to it if the 'emotional expression' part of the brain was especially affected.

The emotional symtoms I have been having are:

- I have been feeling more negative. It is hard to be positive when a lot of my thought process has turned into a more "realistic" thought process. Most would say it is possibly logical. I am not going to call it anything because all I know is my emotions are now different from what they used to be.

- I am more irritable. My patience meter has gone down a good amount. For someone who was (most of the time, definitely not always) sensitive, patient and emathetic for others on a regular, it is a process to figure out the right coping mechanism. Especially, when your brain is not in the condition for you to be physically active, yet.

My biggest irritable triggers have been my parents. Mostly when I try to communicate my thoughts and emotions on the whole situation. I get told to "Suck it up", "I've been through worse", "You manifest your reality", "Why are you frustrated, there is no reason to be frustrated", "You're too emotional". There are some logic to those words, but it pisses me off when one of my parents says that to me when they don't follow that shit themselves. I used to let it slide, now I bring it up each time they do it like I'm looking for a fight with them. The other parent is just fully logical (except when they are stressed) and does not understand that this is an emotional recovery process, as well.

Another irritable trigger are reckless drivers and my brother's driving. Both have been bringing up my heartrate in the moment. Stop and go traffic at lights are already bad enough anxiety for me no matter who is in the driver's seat. Reckless driving or someone not focusing on just driving has me cussing more than I already do. I have dropped more f-bombs in the last week or so than I have the past two months.

The words 'zen', 'manifest', 'center yourself' are some words and phrases that have been irritating me or sending a tickle of annoyance to my neck and my head when I hear them. I cannot explain why.

- I have been getting anxiety or feeling worried about specific things every night around the same time. This has been going on since the acciedent. The time frame is between 7pm and 8pm which is the time the accident occured.

I mostly worry how I come off to a selected few. If I said anything wrong or completely tactless. I also worry about my job position since this brain injury could effect me for the long term. I work as a vet assistant/ technician. I cannot last more than 5 hours, so far, per day before my eyes give out on me, followed by a hell of a migrane and I have to leave early.

The worry lasts an hour to an hour and a half max, but I have much more difficulty shutting off my brain at night. I have tried breathing exercises, guided meditations and ASMR sleep videos that used to knock me out. The biggest help to has been having someone "there" with me. My sister has been on the phone with me and I have fallen asleep much easier. My boyfriend will be in the bed with me and I will fall asleep much easier (with maybe waking up in the middle of the night for 3o minutes). The only problem is, those two cannot always be there. So, what is another solution? I do not know, yet. I will let y'all know when I figure it out.

- There is some trauma (more likely possible PTSD- but I will let the doctor decide on that) from the accident. I did not realize it because I shrugged the accident off like it was not a big deal. The bigger deal was my head injury. When I first realized I was possibly traumatized was when I was riding in the passenger seat with my little brother driving. I have mentioned multiple times to him "Please don't kill me" due to his driving. There was another time when my boyfriend and I were driving home from Denver and there was stop and go traffic at a light (same scenario as the accident). I noticed my heartrate was going up and I was getting nervous (even though he tends to be a really good driver) then he suddenly hit the brakes a little hard. It gave me a mini panic attack that I had to breathe through it. I apologized and told him something else to comfort him that I do not remember.

With knowing and realizing all of this about myself, I am working to figure out a healthy and fun solution for myself. I am also working to figure out thought patterns and emotions and where they are steming from. Is it a lot of work on my end (maybe too much work for a brain injury)? Possibly. Do I care? Not really. I think figuring this whole thing out and sharing it has been one of my biggest ways of coping no matter how hard it is.

I could take medications for all of this, but medication has not done much, but cause other side effects or issues (at least for me). NSAIDs for the headaches does not give full relief and it has caused me stomach issues. Anxiety or anti-depressant medications has messed with my hormones in a way I do not like. I do not like pills and would rather avoid them as much as possible unless it is a supplement, but even then I tend to ween off that eventually. I prefer natural healing until my body is not able to fight it on it's own. That usually is infections of any kind (except mild UTIs). Surgury is the very last thing on my mind.

I hope to come out with a more informational article on possible natural treatments that I learn from the doctor and interviews with people who have been through this. Some possible coping mechanisms will be included. I may make a separate article for possible doctor prefered treatments for those who would prefer that route.

I really hope this helps someone out there. I hope this helps you realize that you are not going crazy with the types of thoughts and emotions you are having. That way you can understand yourself a little better. Be sure to TRY to express yourself. I have tried expressing myself through verbal communication and it does not work out most of the time. Writing is my best way I fully express myself the way I need to. You may or may not be able to be creative during this time. Don't push yourself too hard unless you feel confident you can do it. If you don't feel confident, don't do it or hold off until you can. Beating yourself up is going to be a regular thing. So pray to the concussion gods for mercy and try to hope for the best.