Coming home to your soul

Agreeing to things just to keep the peace is a trauma response and so is the need to stay busy all the time. I wish someone would have told me that earlier so I could have begun my healing journey sooner. Children who grow up with broken foundations often do not know that they have deep hidden trauma and feelings of worthlessness in their minds. The whole ‘I am not good enough’ record playing at the back of your mind whenever something good happens to you or is offered to you, holds you back in life on multiple occasions. I don’t think that I ever wanted anyone’s sympathy, I just wanted people to understand. I craved the love I gave, and I expected it from the ones who could not give it to me. Maybe that’s why now I know what love is. Another thing that I did not realize earlier on was that if something is for you, whether it is a relationship, a job, or a friendship you will not have to force it.

I have met people in my life who have gone through something heartbreaking and soul-shattering. It leaves you with an insatiable desire of going back home and you don’t know where that home is. You try to search it in people, places and objects but nothing soothes your soul and there is always this thought at the back of your mind – “I just want to go home”. On the other hand, having survived through something that you thought might kill you, gives you power, it makes you realize your inner strength. If you do choose to connect to that strength, you will know that everything that you need is inside of you, the strength, the power, and the resilience. The universe does indeed fall in love with the soul that doesn’t want to give up despite the hurdles.

A human being is like a vast ocean, you have your thoughts, ambitions, likes, dislikes, things that make you get up in the middle of the night, your favorite midnight snack, stories that have moved you and all the little things that make you “YOU”. If someone takes a bucket of water from the ocean, it will not dry up, it will still have many things to offer. Similarly, whatever someone took from you does not leave you empty, you still have a lot to offer to the world as a person, you just have to care.

I will not say that I am a failure, I will say that I had a tremendous opportunity to learn and grow with a multitude of adventures shadowed by adversities that helped me blossom into the resilient spiritual warrior that I am today. I was trusted by the universe to handle all those things with grace and for that, I am genuinely grateful. Your life changes the moment you accept yourself completely. Be bold and say that I would accept myself even if the rest of the world does not. Today I will choose to live in the love and the light of the Universe, I will choose myself even when it hurts. I will love myself and dwell in the infinite possibilities of this miraculous Universe that we live in. There is a beauty in surrendering to your soul and this is how you come home to yourself.

Something that I wrote by combining some Sanskrit phrases that are a description of how my soul feels at this moment.

Author's Note: I am at a beginner level of Sanskrit so the translation might not be accurate. I welcome all suggestions for improvement.

Sanskrit

जीवनं जीवितुं पश्चातापेन विना

आत्मदीपः भवः

आत्मा मे विमुक्तो भवेत्

विहग इव मुक्तः

Sanskrit converted to Roman words

jivnn jivitun pshchaataapen vinaa

aatmdipah bhvah

aatmaa me vimukto bhvet

vihga iv muktah

English Translation

To live life without regrets

Be your own light

May my soul remains free

As free as a bird