Whether it's the KonMari method or Hygge, the extremes of popular cleaning methods are nothing new to those of us who have ever suffered a manic episode, gone through a break up or moved across state and country on barely more than a whim. As a person who has lived all three, and also as a person who is prone to severe depressive episodes (during which I am almost incapable of leaving my bed), I consider myself somewhat of an expert.
Where I live, we're actually heading into Autumn right now and I was too depressed over the Spring to get any kind of cleaning done (beyond rinsing my coffee cup and cereal bowl whenever I remembered I needed fuel). And it was hard, even, to do that bare minimum. I've been told time after time, as I'm sure you have too, by friend and psychologist both that a clean space will help make me feel better. That achieving slightly more than my measly bare minimum would help snap my brain out of its severe chemical imbalance. And even as I write this, I can practically see those of you out there nodding, agreeing that it's good advice, recalling your own experience going up against the black dog.
Except it's not that simple, is it? You don't just, get out of bed one depressed day and choose cleanliness, do you? I guess maybe you do, and if that's the case then good for you! That's a pretty amazing assertion of will there, and you should be proud. It's just not so clear cut for some of us. I live with bipolar type I (the severe kind), as well as complex-PTSD, generalised anxiety and BPD. It's not the easiest gig, and I'm sure there are many of you out there who can empathise.
It's humiliating to be that person who is so depressed they haven't been able to wash the dishes in a month. To be so low that you've been sleeping in the same sheets for longer. To want, and need, to reach out for help but to be so embarrassed by the state of the floor that you can't stomach the idea of anyone seeing the squalor your mental health has reduced you to living in. So believe me when I say that I understand the overwhelming pressure to front (as in to put on a facade). To front socially. To front from the comforts of your own home. To front your ACTUAL home. I empathise and I recognise. So for those of you who have made it this far, here are my tips and tricks to 'Spring it Forward' (even if it's actually Autumn and you're not even sure you're a person beyond your depression).
ONE. Cleanliness starts with you. Screw the dishes, brush your teeth. Brush them for 30 seconds, a minute, whatever you can manage. Is your toothbrush missing/destroyed/unusable? Just use your finger. Out of toothpaste? A salt water gargle is FINE. Not up for that? Just use water. You don't have to do the thing perfectly, just try to do it however you can.
TWO. Clinical depression often presents as either sleeplessness, or over-sleeping, which can mean you're spending a lot of time in bed. I know that doing the laundry can be next to impossible, but I know you can brush your hair. Long hair? Start with the ends, and if you need to stop, that's okay, you can start again later, or tomorrow. Try to get it to the point you can put a braid in, or a plait, or a bun. You want to try and get it out of the way so you can save yourself having to deal with matted hair later. Do you have natural hair with braids or a weave? I know you've got a turban somewhere, or even an old t-shirt you can use to keep it wrapped in. Short hair? Brush it out of your face. You've got this!
THREE. Showering is hard when you can't stand to see yourself in the reflection of a locked phone screen, let alone naked. Give yourself a full body wipe down with a cloth and soap whenever you can instead. And if that's not on the cards, rinse your face under warm water as often as you can muster the energy to do so, and wash your hands, too.
FOUR. Ask for help. And before you close out of the tab, I know; you're embarrassed and upset and feel like a burden. I know, because I am embarrassed and upset and feel like a burden, too. The older you get, the harder this step is. There's something about being nearly 30 that makes me feel like I should have this by now, that I should be so good at being depressed that I'm capable of being functionally depressed. And sometimes I am, but largely I'm not, and I still have to swallow my shame and my pride (which is a big deal considering I'm an Aries) and ask for help.
So it is Autumn, and after a long month of depression, I asked for help. I washed the dishes with a friend by my side. We took two loads of trash out of the garage and now I can park my car in it. We did seven loads of washing and now I am sleeping on clean sheets. I brush my teeth at least once a day, sometimes for two minutes, and sometimes for 30 seconds. I have brushed my hair every day this week and I even had a shower. It is Autumn, and I am springing forward.
And I believe that you can too.
About the Creator
El P
I'm El
Mental health survivor and advocate
Deep thinker and occasional poet
Home educator
***
"Be who you are, even if it kills you.
It will. Over and over again.
Even as you live." Joy Harjo
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