Hello world of Vocal Media. I'm not sure how this story will fit in, but here it goes.
I should start off by saying that love is worth the pain or something positive. Something like love is worth it. I have believed that. I wanted to believe that. For me, it seems like love has been a sacrifice and distraction, to say the least. I'm 27 years old and for the longest time, I have actively sought love. A love that wouldn't falter. I'm still young, so of course, I have time to fall in love with someone who loves me back. I've been told that love is an action and not a feeling. I'm sure that is just coming from someone who doesn't recognize love staring him in the face.
I love wholeheartedly. Through the pain and the tears, I've been someone to always show up and be understanding. Pain runs deep in my upbringing to loving someone else who can relate has definitely been something that I cherish. In my past relationships, I have always been counted out and treated as if my "talents" (that I believe I have) will never amount to anything. I'm truly a vocalist in every way I can be. I believe in standing up for what I believe in. I believe in going after my dreams no matter how ridiculous they may seem or sound. I ultimately have to forgive myself for wearing my heart on my sleeve. Forgiving myself has always been the hardest for me especially since I'm prone to blaming myself.
Despite all of the hardships, I have faced including being homeless while I was pregnant, I still found time to fall in love. I still found time to help others and show up whenever I could for people who showed up for me. I became very grounded and humble with the life I was living. I found myself enjoying the simple pleasures that life offered me. Now after dealing with a tragic breakup, I'm here typing away. I'm broken heartened by not only the breakup but also by people I considered to be my friends and family. It's so hard for me to bear really becoming a true loner. Especially, dealing with depression, anxiety, hormonal imbalance all while trying to parent on my own is like one big tornado for me. Adding work, school, and a relationship with someone who completely missed how anxiety made a lot of simple things very tough, was more like a hurricane. My heart is now taking a break from love since it seems I don't know what love looks like or have even experienced it.
Now is the time for me to really focus on myself and my 4-year-old son. Way more than I have ever previously. Truthfully falling in love with the wrong person caused me to lose sight of what really matters. My son and I. I'm beginning to write again which has always been my passion. So I'm hoping that my hard work and persistence will make me better as a person and mother for my son. Being a writer and a loner when I have been doing what's necessary to make ends meet and satisfy my loved ones is definitely a huge adjustment for me. Wish me good luck on my journey. I've battled depression, anxiety, and addiction on my own for the most part. I've even lost my faith. I'm really hoping that I can overcome all the pain I have been feeling and really make a difference one day. Hopefully, this new journey I am embarking on will be everything I was missing more. Peace & love XOXOX.