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Body Dysmorphia is a B*tch

The OCD of physical insecurities.

By Ashley Beatty-PernettiPublished 4 years ago 4 min read
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I’m sure most of us have had thoughts of wishing a part of our body looked different, our hair was thicker, or our eyes were a different color -- because, who hasn’t, right? For me, I wish my boobs were a little bigger, more perky. I wish my bikini line didn’t get such bad razor burn. I wish my teeth were straighter, whiter. There are many physical characteristics I’d like to change, but I’ve also learned how to accept myself just the way I am. That’s not to say I don’t still have those thoughts, because I do. And I’m sure you’ve experienced them a time or two as well. What’s important is to be aware of how often and how extreme those thoughts occur.

I want to talk about a mental health illness that affects men and women around the world, causing obsessive insecurities about their bodies. It’s called Body Dysmorphic Disorder, or BDD. It’s characterized as a mental illness involving obsessive focus on a perceived flaw in one’s appearance. This “flaw” may be very slight or even nonexistent, but for the individual with BDD, it is significant and very obvious. This disorder affects about 1 in 50 individuals -- in the US, 2.5% of males and 2.2% of females suffer, usually developing in adolescents and teens. Although 2% doesn’t sound like a large amount of people, just imagine two classes of adolescents or teens sitting in a room. Chances are, one or more of those individuals suffers from Body Dysmorphia.

Witnessing BDD from an outside perspective may not look too alarming to some because many who suffer are able to hide it, or themselves, well. Things to look for can include low self-esteem, avoiding social gatherings, or having trouble at school or work. BDD sufferers will often have compulsive or repetitive behaviors as well, like: camouflaging with clothes, makeup, hats, and body position; comparing their body to the bodies of others; seeking surgery; checking the mirror often, or avoiding mirrors completely; excessive grooming and exercise; picking their skin; changing clothes frequently. Not all who struggle with this disorder will exhibit all of these behaviors, as each person handles compulsions differently.

Daily "body checks" to convince myself my body had gotten smaller.

For me, checking mirrors multiple times a day and taking “body check” pictures, pulling my pants over my stomach, and wearing baggy clothes were all behaviors I practiced consistently. I also went through a phase of picking the skin on the back of my arms and inner thighs, imagining that it would just disappear if I did it enough. Oftentimes, it was very difficult or uncomfortable for me to accept compliments, whether they were directed toward my physical appearance or not. My brain would tell me that I’m not worthy of praise, and I believed it. Having BDD contributed to the development of my anorexia, which is common among those who suffer.

As with many mental health illnesses, BDD is often accompanied by other disorders. Whether the individual was suffering before or after the BDD develops varies. The common disorders associated with body dysmorphia are social anxiety, depression, eating disorders, and obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD). Unfortunately, BDD can be misdiagnosed as any of these other illnesses due to the similarity in some of the behaviors that take place. For example, an individual with OCD has repetitive and obsessive rituals they partake in, much like those who obsessively pick their skin due to BDD. Another example is struggling with extremely low self-esteem and isolating oneself due to depression -- BDD often causes one to have low self-esteem and opt out of social gatherings in order to keep their disorder secret. Again, many people experience mental health illnesses differently and these similarities are not one size fits all.

Now, before anyone starts thinking “Wow, I look in the mirror a lot because I don’t like (insert insecurity here),” let me talk about the difference between BDD and just simply being unhappy with a body part. Body dysmorphia is obsessive and interferes with regular daily activities, even if the “flaw” is nonexistent. Being unhappy with a particular body part is still damaging to one’s self-esteem, but the individual doesn’t let the insecurities interfere with their day-to-day lives. Both are unfortunate, and no one deserves to feel like they’re not good enough.

I still go through days where I compare myself to others that, in my opinion, are prettier than me. But I’ve learned how to have those feelings and not partake in disordered habits, like picking my skin or checking my body in the mirror. Eventually, I hope to rid my mind and heart of those thoughts and feelings completely, but the recovery process is slow and daunting. Not all those who suffer are aware of what is happening, and many refuse to admit it, as with many mental illnesses. It’s important for those that don’t suffer to stick around, support loved ones who do, and help them heal when they are ready and willing. It won’t be easy, and I know it’s not easy to watch friends and family members struggle with any mental illness, but it’ll be harder for them to recover if they’re in it alone. We are worth more than our physical appearance and it’s about time we make that known.

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About the Creator

Ashley Beatty-Pernetti

Wife. Mom. Creator.

Just a messy 29-year-old, wading her way through life, one word at a time.

Raising mental health awareness with the written word and firsthand experience.

Both fiction and non-fiction stories to nourish your soul.

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