Blood and Ink

Spiders are my favorite animals. I've always loved them for as long as I can remember, ever since I was a little kid. Charlotte's Web was one of my favorite books and cartoons. This also partially inspired my passion for animal rights, including a decade of vegetarianism. 

As a teen, I kept several spiders as "pets", including a massive Garden Orb Weaver, literally the size of my fist!  I once saw a black and orange tarantula while riding four wheelers with my cousins in the rural La Cienega desert. I thought it was a Halloween decoration, made out of pom poms and pipe cleaners, until it started moving! 

Of course I absolutely adore cute jumping spiders, cool wolf spiders, harmless daddy long legs (not technically spiders, but still close enough to warrant my unconditional love). However, one of my favorite pets of all time, was a black widow I had in high school. I affectionately named her Bebe LeStrange, after an obscure song by classic rock band, Heart (famous for hit singles like Barracuda and Crazy on You). 

Spiders have always inspired a deep sense of wonder and fascination. From their huge hearts, to their book lungs, to their multiple eyes (or sometimes no eyes for certain blind species, usually cave spiders), I just can't get enough! Something about them resonates with my soul. Here's why: 

SPIDER SYMBOLISM

Spiders, and by proxy, their intricate webs, symbolize patience. They prudently practice their craft, their tedious task. Dedication, devotion, and determination! Just like any other passion project, building a spider web requires  intense focus, work ethic, tireless labor, efficiency, and meticulous attention to detail. It's easy to draw parallels from a spider weaving a web, to the process of creating art, or playing music, or even self expression through writing, including this very same article. 

Spiderwebs are literally musical. They can feel and hear the vibrations of each and every single individual strand of thread. Technically, everything in the whole entire universe is just vibrations. I can, and will, go on a whole tangent about quantum mechanics. Basically, all matter that exists, has ever existed, or ever will exist, is composed of atoms. Atoms , in turn, are composed of neutrons (neutral energy), protons (positive energy), and electrons (negative energy). Everything you love, everything you hate, the most magnificent sunset you've ever witnessed, the most devastating heartbreak you've ever endured... At the end of the day, it's all just molecules! Positive, negative, or neutral, everything boils down to vibrations and energy. That's only partially my hippy dippy Cheryl shenanigans. It's also partially just plain scientific facts and the objective laws of physics. 

Spiders are resilience. Both predator and prey. They survive and recover from parasites, pesticides, human cowardice, etc. Pure perseverence. 

Spiders love quiet solitude. Please just leave me the hell alone, and I'll return the favor. (Just kidding. Kinda.)

Spiders are masters of creativity. They make something out of nothing. Their webs have inspired everything and anything, from industrial steel architecture, to beautiful metaphors in  classical literature. 

Spiders are matriarchal. Female spiders rule! Feminist AF. 

Spiders are subtle symbols of Kink. Then again, their relation to bondage is fairly obvious. For certain species, male spiders literally bind the larger and stronger female with silk, to restrain her from biting his head off. Other species basically have to 69 in order to mate. Many are bisexual. Hey, it's not the first time that a nature documentary has turned me on, and it probably won't be the last! 

Spiders are overflowing with ancient wisdom. They have existed long before most other living organisms and sentient creatures. 

Spiders are older than sharks, older than mammals. 

Hell, spiders are even older than trees. TREES!!! Think of the dark tranquility of a centuries-long overgrown forest, and realize that arachnids surpass the peaceful silence and meditative mindfulness of even THAT. It's truly brilliant and amazing!

Spiders are clever tricksters throughout mythology worldwide.  Arachne (Greek). Anansi (Africa). Spider Woman (Native American). The Quran has an entire Surah (chapter), titled Al-'Ankabut (The Spider) as welll as a scene in which an anonymous spider wove a web over a cave, in order to protect the prophet Mohammed from soldiers who were searching for him. So spiders are also ACAB, and mascots of resisting against the militarized police state!

In modern times, we have Spiderman, a witty, clever, agile, flexible, superhero, who just so happens to be a talented photojournalist. He outsmarts his enemies with charm and charisma. 

MIXED BAG 

Spiders are so sophisticated, yet so primitive. Helpful, yet frightening. Gorgeous, yet ugly. 

On the negative side, most spiders are literally venomous. I know that I possess many toxic traits, myself. 

Solitude is both a blessing and a curse. Self-reliance is fantastic, at least pragmatically speaking. I rarely ever need to ask anyone for anything, I can take of myself, at least for the most part.  But I'd be lying if I said that I never felt lonely, abandoned, or rejected. 

Spiders can be cold, callous, calculated, and cunning. Just like I can sometimes feel indifferent, apathetic, or even actively cruel. I've always had explosive anger issues. But of course, anger is just spicy sadness. Underneath it all, is nothing but unbearable sorrow. 

Black widows, in particular, are an obvious metaphor for death. I will always be grieving several traumatic deaths, literally for the rest of my entire life. Life and death never become any easier. You just become stronger. 

The hourglass shape, in and of itself, is another symbol of mortality. Like sands in an hourglass, so are the days of our lives! 

To soften such heavy symbolism, I colored the hourglass hot pink instead of blood red. I can always have it darkened if I change my mind in the future. (More on that later. Foreshadowing!)

Like a  perfectly symmetrical web, spiders maintain a balance of beauty and badassery! 

INK DRINKER

Just like tattoos themselves, each tattoo session is unique. No two are quite the same. Before Plowzer, my only tattoos were homebrews by my friend Wolf Misanthrope. 

When my OG tattoo artist passed away, I almost didn't want to get any more tattoos, not at all, never again. He was literally the only human being that I had ever trusted enough, to permanently alter my mortal flesh prison forever, in a painful bloody process of mutual trust. He left behind massive shoes to fill. However, nobody could ever truly "replace" such a unique individual. That's not what I wanted. I still don't. 

What I want, and what I need, is someone who can bring their own flavor and style, to the existing framework, that is my natural human body. Inclusive of the alterations that Wolf already made. 

I had never been to a professional parlor before. I asked several friends for recommendations. Several people gave rave reviews, and glowing accolades, to Stay Gold. A few people said to ask for the owner, Leo. He is a damn fine artist, but I stubbornly refused to ask for him, regardless. Kind of like when all my friends have Louis Vuitton purses, I insist on wearing Michael Kors instead. I don't want to look like everyone else. I want to look like myself!

I barged into the shop on a random Tuesday morning. I happened to talk to Pablo, also known as Plowzer. His business card was a cholo Felix the Cat smoking a joint. Even the shape of the card was different, a perfect square instead of the normal rectangle. The more I looked at it, the more I noticed subtle details. I knew that this was the new tattoo guy for me! Cartoony but cool, bold and stylized, familiar but unique. 

So in October 2025, I committed to get a peacock feather on the inside of my right arm. It hurt a little bit, but my skin was thick and honestly kind of flabby. I literally almost fell asleep, I was so calm and relaxed.  I think I even heard someone snoring in the next room over. The overcast sky faintly glowing through the skylight.... Chill mellow hip hop jamming in the background... I was in heaven!

Even when getting permanent tattoos, I still have contingency plans on how I might modify it in the future, IF I decide to modify it at all. Remember a few paragraphs ago, I mentioned the pink hourglass. I can color it darker red in the future. You can make a light color darker, but you can't exactly make a dark color lighter. 

Similarly, Plowzer asked me if I wanted shading. Of course I said yes! It would add some depth and texture, plus, again, I could darken it after the fact if I so chose... But not vice versa. 

Plowzer helped me every step of the way. I'm a total Karen at my worst, and socially awkward even at my very best. But his  cool, calm, collected constitution, helped me feel safe and comfortable throughout the whole entire process. 

TATTOO YOU

I have an 8 armed octopus on the right arm, and an 8 legged spider on the left. The matriarchal spider counterbalances the masculine energy of the peacock feather. 

The peacock feather is symbolic in and of itself. Of course it represents my own "masculine" energy. I need to be needed. I want to provide. I want to protect. I can also be quite proud, or even vain. Even so, my feather is still dainty and delicate. And it's pointing towards my armpit, like a feather tickling me forever. At the end of the day, I'm just a silly little goofball, I love to laugh, and I love to make other people laugh, too! I've got one foot on a banana peel, and the other in a grave. Similarly, the flamboyant peacock on the right balances with the secretive spider on the left. 

Like a spider, the skeleton key also represents hidden whispers and forbidden mysteries. Even though I literally wear my heart on my sleeve, and my life's like an open book for the whole world to read, and I overshare on social media more often than I care to admit... Even so, it's all barely the tip of the iceberg. 90% of my deepest, darkest secrets, will always belong only to me, and myself alone. Some enigmas are destined to die and be buried along with me in the grave. 

I've been getting tons of compliments on this tattoo in particular! Perfect strangers approach me to comment on how cool it is, and people who have known me forever barely even notice because it suits me so well, I might as well have been born with it. Even my mom had to admit that it is such a pretty spider! 

With each new tattoo, I feel more and more like myself. I am forever and always becoming who I am.