Bittersweet Moments

Tw: death

-finding a coin...but it's tail's up

-graduating.

Things are beginning. Things are ending. Those tears have no idea why they're on your cheek.

-the ending of a great movie

Man. It's like you just wanna rewind and pretend you never saw it. Luckily for me my memory is crappy and I can just rewatch it a month later with a clear pallet. Like, I won't remember how it goes, and will at times be heard saying "oh yeaaa...wait, did that happen last time?"

-finishing a good book

I'm constantly asked what books I wish I could read for the first time again. And...lucky for me that memory this holds up with books too. But, I have gotten to the end of a book and was like, "Noooo that was perfect, but GIVE ME MORE NOW," in a voice I pulled from the darkest crevices of my body

-someone passing away after you know they were in pain, or were ready to go

I mean this one is pretty clear and sad. The idea is to focus on the good asspects (but, still allow yourself to mourn).

-Your last most things

Your last final exam, your last first kiss with your partner, your last time in the car with high school friends, your last time having to sneak out and/or in, your last time, your last day with a baby inside of you right before it pops out to the world, the last time

-visiting your childhood neighborhood

And the memories don't stop coming. You feel yourself both being pulled to the past, and trying to stand firmly in the present

My personal bittersweet moments:

-moving out of my childhood home.

That was more sweet than bitter for me, but hey, I'm sure others can relate

-moving out of the place I lived in with my partner...alone.

Yeah, I'm feeling that right now. Again, more sweet than bitter, but I can't help but be attached to certain moments and the memories of me when I was so young and naive

-having a job to do

Bitter because it's work and it's not the type I wanna do, but sweet that I have a source of income at all ahhh

-when I finally broke up with my ex

I was bitter. She was bitter. The moment was bitter. But man, did finally putting my foot down feel sweet and I stuck to it finally.

-I've seen older people go. They always say they're ready, but that doesn't mean everyone around them are ready for them to go. My grandma always reminds me that they believed in Heaven, and they lived a long life. But, although I believe they've made it to faaaaar better and I love that for them, I miss them too.

-the times I woke up after a rough, emotional night.

I'll be honest and say I've declared the mornings more bitter than sweet more than half the time, but I then find myself at least a tadd on the side of living

-When I had to come back to the good ole US of A after traveling

I had been gone for most of the summer, and really missed home cooked meals and...honestly our unhealthy meals the most. France has some mean bread and desserts but the blandest of foods (from what I experienced), and I was also ready to not look like a bumbling fool as I made my way through French and German in three countries

It was also good to be back because like I said here, I felt my depression was holding me back from enjoying such new and amazing experiences that not everyone gets to have. I felt bad because although I wass grateful, I couldn't get the bad thoughts out.

It was sad to say goodbye to everyone though on my second trip. I actually teared up. Something I didn't even do when I graduated high school.