Being an Introvert During a Pandemic

Anyone who knows me would definitely agree that an introvert is an accurate description of me. It always has been. Somewhere in the family albums, there’s a picture of a huge family function with twelve-year-old me sat at a table reading Harry Potter & the Deathly Hallows with headphones on - perfectly content with quietly reading alongside Stephen Fry’s narration by myself. That initially came to mind when I thought of the Remarkably Me Challenge… initially.

And then I thought of how a common assumption of being introverted was that it didn’t bother me being on shielding during a nation wide lockdown. Shielding was introduced at the beginning of the COVID-19 pandemic as one of the few interventions available to support those who were considered to be most at risk of serious illness from the virus.

While this was put in place at the time to protect the most vulnerable during the initial waves of the virus when little was known about the virus and risk characteristics, shielding advice was extremely restrictive and for some, had a significant impact on people’s lives and their mental and physical wellbeing.

This began in April 2021 and only officially concluded this July. There were breaks in between and days where I could go out for a meal or catch a film at the cinema - things I definitely took for granted before - but mainly it was very restrictive on me and my family. We had to be very cautious and to this day, I can’t put into words how much I appreciate them. They made sacrifices too during the dark days of the pandemic, many of which were to keep me safe and although I felt incredibly guilty at times - they never made me feel that way.

So it’s odd that when I initially thought of myself, a picture I hadn’t seen in years popped into my head. As I write this, I think I can see the parallels between both versions of me.

I’ve always been a loner, much preferring the company of books, films and select few I’m close to. Yet, when I had a lot of time in the four walls of my house, specifically because of my disability during a global pandemic… it makes one think about themselves. And I’m still that same loner, which I’m proud of now more than ever.

I know, I know. People are meant to come out of isolation like the climax of the Shawshank Redemption, face turned up to the pouring rain in an unsubtle spiritual cleansing of one’s confinement. But I actually rediscovered a liking for my quirks that were previously criticised - mostly by myself.

The assumption my mental health wasn’t effected was an infuriating one, especially because I had down days just like a large portion of society and the world. But the little things I previously found enjoyment in actually spurred me on to do bigger things that scared me.

As you could probably guess, writing helped me channel my feelings throughout shielding. One of my best friends was and continues to be one of my greatest support systems - both personally and professionally. As well as being my muse - as he’s an actor and one of my very first ventures into screenwriting had him in the cast, I often write with him in mind as we click creatively and he throws himself into whatever darkly twisted story I write with equal enthusiasm for the characters and plot - we began to co-write scripts together and have written several features and shorts in the past year. That shared enthusiasm and creativity gelled so well together, it surprised even me.

Said friend also encouraged me to do something I’ve wanted to do for years and for one reason or another have always put off: writing my own book. I initially started this project in April, but shelved it a month in. I had a distinctive voice for the male protagonist, but had no idea who the heroine was. Every scene I tried to write with her just felt forced and the characters just weren’t working well together. So, in the summer of this year, I returned to this project with a new lead rewritten. This new character breathed such life into the plot, I found myself sending chapters to my beta reader in quick a succession. Although romance is a new genre for me, even more so than writing two very different first-person narrations on page, I definitely found a story there.

I think what made this book’s almost first draft stronger was I knew when to step back. Instead of forcing a romantic connection with two characters who lacked chemistry with a barely conceived plot, I took the time to learn who my protagonists were and structure a strong narrative around them. You’ll notice I’m being quite vague here and that is intentional, but I’ll definitely update you all on the outcome of this project at a later date. Either way, I cannot wait to introduce Tessa and Jonathan to the world in 2022 - when I’ll hopefully be able to add published author to my bios.

Writing about yourself is difficult, I know this because I’ve had to do it at least four times in applications to my dream film school. This year, I told myself that whatever the outcome was I’d be okay with it. Which I was and although I didn’t get the course I initially applied for, I’ve recently accepted an offer for another course for next year. It feels surreal to write that, even more to say it aloud to family and friends - yet here we are.

One thing I was ironically asked to do was to put myself on the page, which I do in more ways than I can admit. I’ve expressed myself in writing in ways I never had in real life. That’s a truth that is sometimes difficult to admit, that there’s an element of myself on the page. But that’s actually a strength, because it shows that a writing can be vulnerable and in doing so, allows for authentic shine through.

So, my authentic self really hasn’t changed. If anything, it’s become more self-assured in my quiet, bookish, film buff self. Stories in many different ways get us through trials and triumphs, but Philip Pullman definitely summed it up best:

“After nourishment, shelter and companionship, stories are the thing we need most in the world.”

I used to think maybe I had to be more extroverted in life or work, but I really don’t. Authenticity always attracts the right people and work and I’m fortunate enough to say I’ve found my creative outlets seen by the right people. I may not be the loudest person in the room, but my voice definitely comes across through my writing.