"As a psychologist, I know that many visitors will lie to me"

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From here, learn about psychological counseling.

You should never lie to four kinds of people-your doctor, your accountant, your lawyer, and your consultant.

You pay these professionals for their expertise. If you don't know everything, they won't be able to help you.

As a consultant, I know that many people do not tell me the truth. As a person with his own consultant, I also understand why it is tempting to lie.

So how many people lied to their counselors?

Most people are lying to their consultants, and this is not just evidence based on my personal experience. Researchers have found that most people find it difficult to be honest when sitting on the counselor’s couch.

In a 2015 survey conducted by the American Psychological Association, 93% of respondents said they lied at least once during the consultation.

The lie may range from "I have to cancel the appointment because I am sick" to "No, I don't use any drugs."

Lies may also include "part of the truth." For example, someone may tell the counselor that they had an argument with their spouse, but did not mention that they lost their temper or said hurtful things.

"As a psychologist, I know that many visitors will lie to me"

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"As a psychologist, I know that many visitors will lie to me"

The reason why people lie to the counselor (internal cause)

If you lied to your counselor, you may feel self-blame for being dishonest. However, it may be difficult for you to be honest for some underlying reasons. Here are some reasons why it is difficult to tell the whole truth.

Self-protection

Some people go for counseling because others want them to do so, such as a partner or a legal requirement. Therefore, they may not intend to really invest in making changes.

Their purpose may be to avoid the possible consequences of telling the truth. For example, a person forced to attend a consultation by the court may quickly say: "Drug testing is not allowed! I haven't used any drugs for a long time." Because admitting to using drugs may lead to imprisonment for people who are on probation.

"As a psychologist, I know that many visitors will lie to me"

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Therefore, it makes sense for some people to lie because they want to maintain the status quo and they do not want to make any changes.

Escape uncomfortable emotions

Most people go to the consultation to solve some sensitive issues. Talking about a particular topic may make people feel quite uncomfortable.

So some people may wonder whether it is important to talk about things that happened in childhood or have questions about their sexual desires. Talking about these things may feel too painful.

You may feel more comfortable when you avoid talking about yourself being hurt or being bad for others. Talking about it may provoke a lot of feelings of shame, embarrassment, or sadness.

"As a psychologist, I know that many visitors will lie to me"

The reason why people lie to the counselor (external cause)

Eager to be liked by the consultant

It is normal to hope to be liked by others, and your consultant is no exception.

Some people may worry that if they admit that they have made mistakes, the consultant will judge them. Or they may be worried, because they tell a story about their own tantrums, the consultant will think they are a bad person or a "lunatic". Therefore, they may feel safer to show what makes them look good.

Fear of making the consultant feel sad

Sometimes people lie because they don't want the counselor to feel uncomfortable. "I don't like the homework you gave me" or "I don't agree with some of what you said." It's hard to say things like that.

People who please others may also lie about their improvement. For example, they may tell the counselor that they feel better, so that the counselor will not feel sad because their consultation is not effective.

"As a psychologist, I know that many visitors will lie to me"

Truth is the basis for effective consultation

Your relationship with the counselor is likely to mimic your relationship outside the counseling room.

For example, do you avoid confrontation with others? Are you more focused on pleasing others rather than establishing a sincere connection? Do you take the feelings of others as your responsibility?

"As a psychologist, I know that many visitors will lie to me"

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Just by examining your behavior in the consulting room, you can understand yourself to a large extent. But it’s important to think of counseling as a safe place to practice changing the way you interact with your surroundings.

When you have the courage to meet honestly with your counselor, you will take a big step towards self-healing. When you see your counselor still accept you when you tell some difficult facts, it will greatly help change the way you build relationships with other people in the future.