Are You Okay?

This first piece about mental health that I am about to dive into comes as a forward jump (also as personal experience. Not scientific). I am not starting at the beginning, but I suppose I will one day. This piece is for those who are in the in-between stage. The stage of more highs than lows but having mass amounts of guilt for having lows in the first place. That is not to say that this isn't for those who are looking for a light.

I wont lie to you. The road is dark and windy and sometimes lonely. There are times where you feel as if no one understands you and never will. Times where you crawl into bed with a beautiful day outside and your favorite Disney movie or Psych episode barely keeps you afloat. When someone asks, "Are you okay?", you don't know how to respond because your worries seem stupid to you so how could someone else see it as a problem. Sure, you're okay. Maybe you still have work in this pandemic. Maybe you have a wonderful partner. Maybe you have a great support group or you have figured out the best way to navigate these uncertain times. Fact of the matter, is you're just not okay.

GUESS WHAT. You. Do. Not. Need. To. Be. Okay.

However you have done it - you've pulled yourself out of the darkest days you had while healing your past traumas. You have held yourself (maybe with the help of others) together in the middle of the night while you sob into your pillow because you're actually feeling. You have found a footing within yourself when a relationship tore you to the ground and made you feel unworthy of love because you needed extra. You found a way to love your parents again (or to leave them) because they didn't secure you or give you the proper tools to handle life or yourself. Sometimes, you just need a day of bleh! THIS SUCKS TODAY. Write it down why it sucks, burn it , tear it up or throw it away. Whatever you need to do to get that stress off your chest.

Whoever tells you that you can't have a day like that (or three) can take their sunshine and rainbow facade and bottling habits and leave you the fuck alone. There is nothing wrong with wanting to feel...well, your feelings. I find that was the hardest part for me. Feeling sad when something upset me, angry or shocked. So many people say, "it just wasn't meant for you", "obviously he's a jerk why do you care?" or "chin up, something better is around the corner". While this may be true it doesn't take away the sting of the loss. If that's a job, potential partner, a living situation, dream car, pet - whatever! Accept the pain or discomfort of it being disappointing and then make your next move.

I am going to put a list below for some things that help me sift through my feelings when something triggers me:

• Was I acting in my best self?
• Was I honest in my communication?
• Did the response I receive come from a place of hurt or honesty?
• Is there anything I can do to help the situation?
• How am I going to care for myself?

Depending on your answers your can help yourself decide if you caused the problem or if the Universe was just spun that way. Sometimes things can be partially your fault and sometimes it can be someone or something else responding to their own triggers. All you can do is keep healing yourself. Keep learning. Keep trying to be your best self and understand that sometimes that means you are kind to yourself. You take that time to hang with your friends, take the bubble bath, have a drink, get back into a hobby or just lay in bed and watch your show. What works for one person might not work for another and that is okay.

Be gentle with yourself, friends. It's okay to be love, light and a little bit of a storm cloud. As Eeyore said,

“A little consideration, a little thought for others, makes all the difference.”

That means for yourself as well. Head up after you put it down. You've come so far.