Continuing from "Let's Be Honest, at Least, I Will" where we spoke about giving others advice but not being able to apply that advice to ourselves, there's a term called "Solomon's Paradox" to pinpoint the contradiction between thinking about other people’s predicaments with wisdom, logic, and maturity but failing to do so for ourselves. The biblical King Solomon was renowned for his intelligence and unmatched wisdom to others in his own life that ultimately led to the demise of his kingdom. The simple answer is "self image" and ego. We like to think ourselves as a specific type of person whilst ignoring our inner selves.
But where's the fun in that? Why not create something that's exhilarating and different? Something that no one has experienced or envies to be. Everyone wants to feel special—like there isn't another one of them in the world. On most people’s agendas, we're striving to achieve some sort of special status, respect, or privileges from people that are insignificant to us and our lives. The act of admitting this would make us feel uncomfortable. I mean, if someone told me I was a "people pleaser," then I wouldn't take it kindly. But WHY do we strive for acceptance of others?
It's one of many things for many different individuals and it's hard to allocate one thing to one person (important note: never assume). Whether it be being insecure, lonely, admiring, etc. If we spent as much time applying those efforts to ourselves rather than others that don’t deserve it, we’d be a lot more secure and happy within ourselves.
Theories surrounding counselling and therapeutic sessions suggest that the individuals that demand to feel special and feel the world owes them something or expect special treatment are the ones that didn't receive those things when they were younger. Whether that be from a family relative or social circle.
I do kind gestures for people that are insignificant to me for one of many reasons. I saw both of my parent’s generosity, repeatedly. It feels good to make someone happy, and if I know I'm doing kind gestures, there is one more person in this world that is doing it; therefore, I will come across it more often. Altruism.
Edward Dreyfus, a psychologist, said: "When interacting with people who have a perspective on the world as if it owes them something you need to have a strong sense of who you are." The general idea for Dreyfus's theory is… you must know who you are as a person. However, in my opinion, I don't think anyone truly knows who they are. There are too many social, political, and personal pressures manipulating us, our decisions, and our image of ourselves.
But this isn't a bad thing. It's exciting and surprising. It’s like being in a relationship with yourself. You find out new things nearly everyday. Things you didn't know you could possibly do. Things you thought you could do—new strengths, new weaknesses.
I got it so fixed in my head that I couldn't do some of the things I thought were impossible, but I did them. Sometimes I wouldn’t technically "achieve," according to grade boundaries or marks, but I tried, completed the work or passed, and I came through the other side fine. It's been so incredibly hard and it’s sad to say. I didn’t believe in myself a lot of the time during University. However, I graduated, not with my personal best, but I graduated. It’s not just within work, school, or further education. It’s applied within my personal life as well. I self-harmed, but I also stopped and allowed myself to feel what was demanded to be felt.
Sometimes the rut we think we’re stuck in is going to last forever, but someone throws down a rope into the rut the next day and that person can be you.