Anxiety

Hi, I'm someone that has dealt with a generalized anxiety disorder for over six years and counting. Above is a picture of the cats I had in the past that used to help me with my anxiety. The chubby grey cat was a female called Scooters and she loved to cuddle. The gorgeous orange and white cat is a male that I named Pumpkin. He was the sweetest and was always grounding with his calm and loving nature. My purpose of giving context to the picture is to give a bit more information of how they helped with my anxiety.

Now I'll give a brief explanation as to my long and arduous past with anxiety. I was diagnosed with a generalized anxiety disorder over six years ago and have since tried many things to help. And it has only been recently that I found out that I also deal with untreated ADHD, which doesn't help with the anxiety. Readers may be wondering why I explained so much personal information in the first couple of paragraphs. The answer is simple, I want people to be aware to mental health and that people that deal with things similar are not alone.

I have known that I needed help with my mental state for a long time, but due to numerous reason I was unable to get that help. This short life story is a way connect with others that also struggle to get help when they need it most.

People would assume that family would be the biggest support when dealing with these things. That was not the case for me. They never believed me when I explained what was going on in my head or just ignored what I told them. Dealing with these mental health issues is extremely exhausting when your family doesn't believe you. And I hope others do not have to experience that type of thing with their families.

My biggest support came from the few friends I had. They were always willing to listen to me when I was breaking down or just needed to vent. Even if they were unable to officially aid me with my mental health, they played a big part of why I was able to keep going forward in life. Having people, no matter if it's friends or family, is a major help and I want others to know that they are not alone. I have mentioned a few things about the type of people and support I have had, but not what it is actually like for me to have anxiety.

My anxiety came, seemingly, out of nowhere on a day when I was in school. I was sent home because I couldn't breathe or talk about what was causing this attack. And at the time, no one knew what was wrong with me. I saw a doctor and was immediately diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. That day was the first of a very long journey of trying to find ways to handle my anxiety. I should mention that anxiety is different for everyone and that no one should think their experience was any less terrifying than how it seemed to others.

I have a habit of getting myself alone when I am in the process of having an attack. I should probably explain what it feels like to me, personally. For me, I begin to feel an emptiness in the pit of my stomach that gradually grows. This is how I normally realize I am going to get an attack. Then my eyes begin to mist over and I get the overwhelming urge to cry. I always got worse when people were near me because I would get overstimulated by the talking, sounds, visions, and just general environment. The best place I found to work on calming down was my room, which I still consider my safe space. By the time I get to my room, I have already begun the attack and now I was dealing with breathing problems. It would get harder and harder to breathe as the attack happened. And I would get even more upset because I have asthma and I would wonder if this anxiety attack would trigger an asthma attack. For reference, I have never had an asthma attack before because my asthma has been treated and handled from the very beginning. So, I would be trying to calm myself down while worrying about not being able to breath, even after using my rescue inhaler. These attacks can last for a minimum of twenty minutes or for several hours. By the time I have calmed down, I am run down and mentally exhausted. I can never bring myself to do anything after an attack because mine could always start back up again if triggered.

I have hated how they made me feel and what I had to experience. Even more so when family would say that I was just overreacting or faking it; even after being diagnosed by a doctor. When this happened, if I was able, I would go to a friend's house when I felt calm enough. They would never talk because they knew that only made my anxiety shoot right back up, but they were there and that presence of having someone there that wouldn't talk was a major help. I am so lucky that I have friends I can turn to and get the support I am unable to get from elsewhere.

As I re-read what I typed, I feel like this is lacking or maybe I'm just oversharing. However, I just wanted to share my experience with anxiety so that others would understand that it happens to many other people as well and that there were others that would understand what they may be dealing with. It is unfortunate, but I feel like I was unable to accurately express what my point is and where I am trying to come from in this anxiety recount.

My only real suggestion is that other people find someone or something that can help support them when they feel like everything is crashing around them. The support doesn't need to be much, but everything helps when you're talking about mental health. Get help when you can and keep holding on, you've made it this far.