Anxiety Brain

My anxiety started when I was young. I didn’t know there was an actual reason why I was anxious all the time. Growing up I would pick on my skin causing bruises and scars. I just thought I enjoyed the pain but later found out it was because I have anxiety and when I pick at my skin it became a regular habit.

I went years and years dealing with anxiety without even knowing. I never knew why I did it thought I was just crazy. If I couldn’t sleep I would bother scabs or even just pinch myself. My parents hated that I did it but they couldn’t stop me.My body is all scars and I hate to look at myself. I have finally come to realize this is me. The image of me changed over time and having someone who loved me for me also made me love myself if that makes sense to you. Sometimes it bothers me but then I remind myself I am beautiful no matter what anyone may think. We are all beautiful inside and out.

I went for a visit to the doctor and she was so sweet she asked me about my scars. I never talk about them really but she asked so I told her I did this to myself. She asked me why and I really couldn’t give her an answer. She then proceeded to ask me more in-depth questions about stress. It was then she explained why I did this to myself. It all made sense to me now. I was anxious and even had a few panic attacks.

Heart pounding, sweating, shortness of breath, nausea what is happening to my body. I would take the train to school but this one school morning I couldn’t make it to school.The train car doors seem to lock me in and next thing I knew I passed out. It scared me to know that this Anxiety thing had control over my body and I didn’t. I asked the doctors did I have an heart attack the looks on their faces as they said no I will never forget “No sweetheart you had an anxiety attack” was that even a thing and how do I stop it.

Don’t fall into the dark places in your mind it can be dangerous. All the stress and the pills I had to take for this new thing called anxiety opened dark doors for me. I felt as if I was crazy and I wouldn’t tell anyone what was going on. Depression oh I have heard of that but did I think it would happen to me. I wouldn’t get out of bed. I was always tired even if I had slept all day my body felt so drained. I barely ate , food was just not the same to me anymore. I wanted to be alone all day everyday scared of being judged by my friends and family. My brain telling me a thousand and one things at once kept me up at night. Thinking about things that could happen but probably won’t yup I’ve lost my mind.

There are more people like me out there. I attended a meeting with a psychologist because I got scared of the depression. He mentioned to me I am not alone. I was shocked at the thought that other people have experienced what I have. I’m not crazy oh what a relief. Talking to people about what I went through helped me. My stress and trauma caused my anxiety but I am in control and you can be too! If you know someone who keeps everything they feel locked in try your best to get them to talk to you even if it’s just a small part of the story. I promise it makes things better.

YOUR NOT ALONE !!! No one is ever alone someone in this world has felt what you feel.