An Open Letter

To the people who believed in me and those who did not,

This letter may be one of the hardest things I have ever written. Distinguishing who was a good or great mentor from those who were not is a fine line. A line I learned after a few years in the U.S. Army. I learned you could not just dismiss those who get in your way, those who were bad leaders, bad mentors, or even just bad people. Everyone you meet has a role to play in your life and vice versa. You are either encouraged to be a better person by them or learn what not to be like. This is especially crucial to understand when you are growing up. However, most of us, myself included, usually do not have the life perspective and emotional maturity to realize this. I have learned this finally after 20 years of adulthood.

To my father and mother. Thank you for everything you did for my brother and me. We did not realize what you were doing or what it was then. But now I know you instilled in us a deep appreciation for people, respect earned, hard work ethic, and what a family could look like if enough time were invested. I understand now how lucky I am to have grown up in this environment. I can never repay that.

You always, and I mean always, made time for us and our lives. No matter how bad we messed up. You only yelled enough to get your point across then easily transitioned into a mentor role to make us see the path forward, which was not always an easy path. I hope and pray I can be the father my dad was and still is. I know those are big shoes to fill. But I try every day to be like you are. A hard-working man who willingly and lovingly sacrificed many years working a graveyard shift at the local steel factory. Even with that, you never once missed a sporting event, life event, or really anything. Sacrificing your well-being most times. Thank you, Dad.

To my mother. You showed my brother and me what it meant to work hard and be patient for the results. You showed us that doing what you love is more important than doing what other people think you should do. You exemplified this by following your desires while juggling two teenage boys. I admit we were a handful nearly every day.

I try every day to make my parent's lessons a reality for my children. Recently you both even told me you were incredibly proud of the man I became and the life I led, as you both knew I was meant for more than what our little county in Michigan could offer. Something I was never expecting to hear. It was a moment of reflection on my part when you said that.

To my favorite teachers, Mr. Richard and Mr. Genter. I hope you know that your teaching about life was always true, although you are in heaven now. Life is hard. It is never straightforward. You two believed in me when I said I was joining the U.S. Army when none of the other teachers encouraged this. I remember when you two confronted a teacher who told me that joining the U.S. Army was for people who could not make it in college and life in general. That moment when you stood up for a gangly teenage kid to your peers still is in the front of my mind. I took that lesson, and I tried to live it. I try to make you proud of me. I think I am succeeding—one day at a time.

To the Non-Commissioned Officer who was my first team leader in the Army. Thank you. You taught me what not to be. You showed me things I should not emulate. You showed me what it meant to abuse trust between people and between employees and employers. Thank you. You taught me probably the most important lesson of all. Never, ever discount the wrong people in your life. They will show you what making wrong decisions leads to and how life will always find a way to come back around when you make the easy wrong choice. Because of you, I always make the more difficult right choices. Well, most of the time, at least to be honest.

All these lessons are great. Though, the most crucial person who taught me things is my wife. My love. You saved me. I was going down a rabbit hole of alcohol and bad choices during my divorce. You and you alone saved me. You reminded me of all the lessons my parents, my teachers, and that bad N.C.O. taught me. You instilled in me a spirit to be better again.

You were just a friend at first. But on that one night, I was low. The lowest I have ever been and ever will be. I was sitting on the couch at my old home one night after my divorce was nearly finalized. The judge had just told me that I would never get custody of my son since I was a man in the U.S. Army. I remember this like it was yesterday. I was sitting there with a knife in my hand. I had started to cut my wrist to commit suicide. I thought that was the only thing I had left in life. I thought that was the solution, and it would take away that unimaginable pain I was in. Then you appeared online on my Facebook messenger, the only friend online out of 300 people I had then. You saved me that night. You made me remember that life is more than just what that day is.

Over time we developed a relationship, and eventually, you agreed to marry me too. Still not sure why, but I take every day with you as a blessing. You push me to be a better man, be a better father to our family, and be the best husband I can be. And I try to; every day be better. I try every day to instill the same lessons to our three children. You show an unmatched love for me which I can only attribute to God's work.

Because of your strength and belief in me, I created the branch of the Watch D.O.G.S. program at the school in Vicenza, Italy. I mentored kids. I was there for them just like I have been there for countless Soldiers I led in the past. You even encouraged me to get my college degree in human resource management, obviously not in writing, as you consistently red-marked my papers, stories, and blog. Your belief and strength are a core part of who I am today. It is because of you that I am here. I will never take that for granted again. I promise to be the man you know I am. Thank you.

You know, I thought this would be a hard letter to write. I was wrong. It was easy to find the good and bad mentors in life. It was refreshing to speak of this. This may not be an eloquently worded letter full of only the best moments in life. But it is a snapshot into my life. My highs and lows. My journey is essential, just like everyone else's journey. I hope this can help someone out there to know that you can learn something from everyone you meet. Good and bad. What to do and what not to do.

Most importantly, never let anyone tell you you can not do something. Never think that suicide is a solution. It is not. It causes harm. Someone out there is there for you; someone will support you and lead you back to the right path.

Thank you, everyone. God Bless

Brian J Pehrson.