Always Be Moving Forward

Always be moving forward. It’s a simple mantra, but that idea of moving forward is one that I struggle with.

I am extremely critical of myself, and these words help me to break out of my cycles of negative self-talk that cripple me. These words are now my life line.

Like many people I suffer from anxiety and depression. I am my own worst critic about everything and I am great at beating myself up over things I have done in the past. Every mistake I’ve ever made is fair game to dredge up and throw down onto the pathway of my success. Every slight is carefully examined and re-examined until it no longer becomes a learning opportunity but instead a measurement of my character. I no longer learn a lesson and move on, instead I go around and around until I am stuck in a circle of my own creation.

I struggle with moving on, somehow the barrage of negative self-talk is like penance. If I make myself feel awful enough maybe I can atone for what ever it was that I’ve done. The thing is, most of the time the things I’ve done are everyday human mistakes. Maybe I forgot to pick up my husband’s medication, I was late for work or I didn’t budget enough for groceries this week. Such small things trip me up and start the cycle of negative talk.

I convinced myself a while back that if I was not perfect at work, everyone would hate me. The feeling of inadequacy was suffocating. I could forgive everyone their imperfections and yet I could never let anything I did pass by. I was a bully to myself and it was crushing my spirit. It was also utterly ridiculous to think that I could go on the rest of my work life never making a mistake. How do you grow or learn if you are in a perpetual state of panic? The truth is you can’t.

My husband was the one who came up with the idea for the bracelets. He would ask me, “What would the new you do?” and what he meant was what would the me that could move on do? What did that person look like? Was she kind to herself? Did she learn from her mistakes instead of shut down? Did she move on from it without beating herself up? Did she worry about what everyone thought of her constantly?

One day a box of dark green rubber bracelets showed up. One side read “WWNUD” (what would new you do?) and the other side read “Always Be Moving Forward.”

“Here,” said hubby, “this one is for you.”

I will admit I was a bit skeptical that a piece of green rubber could make my life better but I came around. If everyone else can keep moving forward why couldn’t I? So, I started. If I made a mistake I would take a deep breath and repeat my new mantra. If I had a small hiccup or disappointment, I would fall back on my words of wisdom inscribed on my wrist. Always be moving forward.

I began to create myself all over again slowly. The new me. I like the new me so much better than the old me. The new me realizes she is worthy of friendship and love because of who she is. Everyone makes mistakes sometimes. It’s unrealistic and down right inhumane to put that kind of pressure on yourself. The feelings of panic and despair started to lesson. I felt better and more emotionally resilient than I have in years. I am indeed learning to move forward.

I still have off days where I feel like I’m failing at everything, but then I remember that most people feel like that at one time. I just remind myself to always be moving forward, that the new me is strong, smart and loved. That I am not the person I was in the past and I am capable of learning from my mistakes. I remind myself that it’s just as important to be kind to myself as it is to others, and that can be the hardest, most worthwhile lesson to learn.