Alcohol — Drinking Part 5

Era tells me another story. It was a Halloween celebration. On a party bus. One of her co-workers had a little too much to drink. She had a little too much fun, dancing around the pool, on the bus, flirting, singing, and just acting way more loose than usual. It was very funny. Thank goodness she was amongst friends. Once they got back Era told the co-worker she should not drive. She wanted to, Era said no, she insisted. She took her home. Every minute she would ask Era where she lives. She did a lot of repeating; she would not digest the answers. She never talked to a co-worker about this. The era just made sure she got home safe and watched her walk in the door before she left. Era feels very glad she did this for the co-worker and feels everybody should do this to avoid loss of life.

Bonnie tells me a story about her first husband who was an alcoholic. She mentions that people did not use to talk about his kind of things back in the day. Bonnie is in her 80’s. Both of her daughters drink more than they should. She does not say anything to her daughters, she does not want to jeopardize their relationship. She tells me it is very hard to deal with addiction unless the person wants to deal with it. Her great-grandson’s father has been addicted to things, she was not sure what, he is going to AA and uses pot. In her relationships, she never experienced anyone wanting to get help to get out of addiction. She had to choose change, she divorced her husband. That was the only way she could fix it. Her ex-husband was never violent, he would stop on his way home and drink a lot, then come home so drunk that he would barely make it through dinner then fall asleep on the couch. This is how Bonnie lived during her 20’s. Watching her husband sleep on the couch. He always smelled she recalls. It is difficult she explains to have a romantic feeling about somebody who is like this kind of problem, she felt she was better off without him.

Bonnie’s second husband was a binge drinker, he was violent, he would go out once in a while he might do nothing for months then he would go out, drink all of a sudden, then come home, turn the furniture upside down, rip the phone out of the wall, acted like he was going to hit Bonnie, she left before that ever happened. She never married again; she tells me: I am sure you can understand why. She tells me that she did not pick very good men, they picked her. This situation made her feel terrible. She had to go through two divorces. She had two children, two girls, she did not want them to grow up in a home where this sort of thing is going on. She could not deal with it anymore, went out on her own, and feels she had done ok. Bonnie feels that the addiction is handed down in generations and it is a weakness, she talks about both of her girls who did not live with their father only when they were very young, and she is wondering why they are drinking too much. They don’t drink or work under the influence but drink way too many glasses of wine once they are home Bonnie thinks, too many for her anyway as she does not drink. She will not talk to them about it because they just get defensive. It can damage their relationship. She should stay out of it, this way when she gets old-old, she will have children. She does not think saying anything will help anyway if they want to stop drinking, they can do that on their own they don’t need her telling them what to do.

Brenda tells me about Pamela who was close to her, she was a nurse and she was addicted to alcohol. She was the first person in Brenda’s life who had any type of addiction. Her friend was very resistant to getting any type of help. Pamela was lonely and alone, she lived in Chicago and her family lived in Las Vegas. Pamela had run a car into a house. Brenda and her co-workers were trying to help Pamela get into treatment and get help, she was resistant. She eventually ended up falling after getting out of the bathtub and died. Brenda describes Pamela as a brilliant nurse, but even though she knew all she knew about medicine and everything she could not assess herself and ended up dying as a result. Pamela was in her early 50’s when she died. She was still young to die. I asked Brenda how it makes her feel what happened to her friend and dealing with her addiction. Brenda asserts that dealing with addiction is very difficult because she might have an idea of what is right for the person or what would be the best thing to do but the person might not want to do what is best for them. In the end, we cannot make the choice for them they have to make it for themselves, they have to be in the right place and make the move themselves, just be there to support them. It is a difficult and frustrating process.

Susan tells me about her older brother who had been an alcoholic and now he has been sober for about 4 years. He could not handle his life well. She had seen him drunk, provided transportation for him sometimes. He is married now. Susan was surprised his wife stayed with him; they went through a lot. Susan’s maternal grandfather died of liver cancer because of drinking. He had a heart attack when he was 36, developed bad anxiety from that, and decided to self-medicate with alcohol. Susan’s dad used to drink but stopped when she was around 4 years old. One day she brought him a beer when he got home, and it seemed like he did not like that image of his little girl is waiting for him with a beer. He worked in a very alcohol-soaked environment. They had martinis at lunch. Susan’s parents talked to her about addictions. She was not sure if they talked to her brothers about it. Her parents were so afraid that she might end up like her brothers that they sent Susan to a private school. She used to be a bartender. She tells me that in the service industry when someone works at a bar there is a lot of drinking. She is not sure why, but a lot of people she worked with would get pretty hammered sometimes. Sometimes even at work or right after work. She saw some regulars at the bar.

Dolores feels like there is a very alcohol-infected culture that we live in. It seems like nobody does anything without having a drink. She feels that the kids see that and think that it is being adult to drink and the only time the adults have fun is when they are drinking. It seems that every single entertainment after the age of 16 that is available has alcohol. She feels this is a societal issue. Around where she lives the culture is very much involved in drinking. She brings up a very good example. At her work, they have been wanting to do a team-building exercise. There is a place in town that she heard of and recommended where they have people come in and create a piece of art, and they also serve wine. So, she tells me:” we create art while we are drunk”. Interesting concept. Did we discuss why you even need wine to go paint? Why can’t the activity be just to go paint? Dolores said, yeah that is a very good question. She is not much of a drinker; she might have a glass that is it. She feels though others might have a lot. Things could get uncomfortable.

Dolores tells me she does not understand why people drink it just makes her tired and she wants to sleep. She chuckles. She does not want to drink she can barely stay awake as it is. She said this with such a funny tone that we just both burst out laughing. I listened back to this like 3 times I admit I just wanted to laugh more. Got my daily dose of laughter.

Fuchsia and I talk on our porch on a nice afternoon. She does not have any addiction in her nuclear family. She tells me that her story begins with her great grandparents on mom’s side. They were both alcoholics. They lived on a ranch in Idaho and her great grandfather was selling dynamite for railroad people. He died from liver cancer. The family has not heard much of the dark side of their life only the glorified stories. Fuchsia felt that because she grew up without knowing much about addiction, she was pretty naïve about it. She feels that she had difficulty in the past picking up on when people are using substances.

Thank you for reading,

Gabriella

This book is dedicated to the memory of Bagóczky József my uncle who died at age 19 — alcohol related car accident and to everyone else who has been hurt or lost related to addiction

Many people had been supportive and inspiring to me so I could create this book. Both of my wonderful children told me, just write that book mom. My mom. I could have not done this without all the stories provided and the encouragement love and caring from my family and friends, nurses, doctors, counselors, teachers, professors, friends who are dealing with addiction and staying sober; and children, wives, husbands, mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers of people who are dealing with addiction currently. Thank you for speaking up, sharing your stories and life experiences. Thank you for all the people who read this book while in progress to provide feedback, ideas and encouragement for me to continue writing. I would like to say special thanks to my friends and family for believing me and encouraging me to go on.

Front cover acrylic painting created by Andrea Mihaly October 2019

Our Society: Addiction and More Uncovered. Hear the voices of everyday people — collection of stories and experiences.

Copyright @ 2020. 1st addition on Amazon KDP. 2nd addition Jan 2021 Barnes & Noble. By Dr. Gabriella Kőrösi. All rights reserved. Dancing Elephants Press.