Aging Care Crisis

We are in a healthcare and aging-care crisis. Period. End of story. People are living longer than ever before in human history. Medical advances now make it possible for many people to live well into their 90s—and even past 100 is not uncommon. 

I do not want to diminish the miracle of those advances. I would be dead without them. I am one of the people modern medicine has saved. Thank you very much, Dr. Frederick Banting, for insulin.

But here is the problem: We have helped people live longer without creating a system equipped to care for them as they age. To quote Jurassic Park-"Your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could, they didn’t stop to think if they should." 

In the past two weeks alone (not the decades I witnessed this in my time as a nurse), I have watched families struggle and scramble to find help for aging loved ones who are no longer cognitively able to live alone.I have spoken with adults nearing end of life who simply cannot afford food. Food.  Let alone other bills. Folks, this shouldn’t be a concern as they/we prepare to die. 

“But Crystal, what about food stamps?” I’m glad you asked actually..don’t worry—many aging adults DO get assistance- most of the time a whopping $25 per month in food assistance. 

So, at least there’s that. Eye roll. Puke. Have YOU tried buying groceries for one person with $25? Not even a full month of groceries—just basic staples? Try it. I bet you can’t. 

Back to the aging crisis...Do you know that many doctors still avoid talking openly about death and dying? Wild. 

I have heard, with my own ears: “You can do this.”,  “We can try ONE more thing.”, “You’re not going to die, don’t be silly.” The list is endless.  Here’s the problem though…we do die.  All of us.  

People are living longer, and we have nowhere affordable for many of them to go. Do you know what nursing homes cost near you? Have you checked? If not, you should. I have heard local figures ranging from roughly $2,400 to $6,900 per month.

Can you afford that for yourself or someone you love? My guess is that most people would say no.

And as people grow older, so do their children, grandchildren, spouses, and friends—the people expected to care for them.

Many of those caregivers are:

1. Not trained to provide care.

2. Given very little education or practical support.

3. Not emotionally or physically prepared for the work.

4. Trying to do something that is simply not sustainable without help and yet expected to. 

And some people simply do not want to be caregivers. That is uncomfortable to say, but it is true.  Caregiving is not for the faint of heart. It can be exhausting, isolating, physically demanding, financially devastating, and emotionally brutal.

So, what do we do? I do not have enough strength in my hands today to type out every answer. And I fully know that one lady’s internet soapbox rambles aren’t going to change a system that was built wrong at the foundation. 

BUT this is one of the places where death doulas enter the picture.  We support families who have spent hours making endless calls to insurance companies, doctors, social workers, pharmacies, hospice agencies, facilities, and prior-authorization departments to name a few only. 

We notice burnout—often before the caregiver recognizes it in themselves. We educate families about what dying can look like and how to care for someone who is approaching the end of life with compassion, honesty and hopefully some fears eased. We pick up on nuances that are often overlooked. 

There are enormous gaps in our so-called “healthcare system”.  And when the medical professionals caring for us are unwilling to acknowledge death—or do not create room for patients and families to discuss it—that is a real problem. Avoiding death does not prevent it. Refusing to discuss it does not protect people. 

Doctors, nurses, and other medical professionals do HUGE injustices to patients and families when they are not honest and realistic about the fact that all of us—yes, you too—are going to die. 

Anyway, our system is fucked, in case you did not already know. Take a few minutes and let that sit with you.

Maybe you are not facing these things today. But if you and the people you love live long enough, eventually you will.

-XOXO, your Friendly Neighborhood Death Doula

*dismounts soapbox for the day*