Adjusting to my Adjustment Disorder
Adjusting to an Adjustment Disorder is like putting dirty dish into a clean dishwasher. Mental illness in its own is hard to explain and in some ways can feel embarrassing.
I hate change and things I can't control, I only like to do things and go places I know I have control of the situation. Adjustment can be hard for anyone but when suffering from mental illness change can be a day changer you can be having a good day and one things can blow you over the edge in one minute.
Making plans for someone with adjustment disorder is great for them except when something is out of line. Maybe you planned on going to a certain store and it's closed, for a normal person it will be a shrug of the shoulders and move on, for a person with AD it will ruin the entire day a flip of a switch and they are shut off for the rest of the day.
People may not understand mental illness if they don't have it and its had to fathom that someone could act and feel that way without any true reason. The best thing a person with AD can do it be honest with others about it and not be scared to share how they are feeling to the people around them.
Relationships are very difficult for people with AD. People with AD are more apt to have fights and difficultly dealing with stress in a relationships. Having to question everyday if that person still likes you and that person still wants to be around. Not knowing if your relationships is okay. The worst of it is adjusting to them and their way of living and their belief system. Letting them drive and letting them take some control of the relationship.
People think that adjustment disorders are just people who have a hard time dealing with change and its so much more then that. Adjustment disorders are people who struggle with the slightest changes in schedule, weather, lists, times,people color. Adjustment Disorders are the inability to adjust to simple things that most people dont even think about. Flavor in tooth paste, the way the seat in your car feelings, the tone in someones voice when they talk to you.
For me I struggle with adjusting to things that I dont even know that I am adjusting to the way the my shampoo smells or the way my skin feels, how my socks fit on my feet or the way my clothes fit one day. I struggle adjusting to when it gets dark out or when I wake up on my own in the morning. I struggle with the way my pain feels.
I also struggle with the bigger things. I struggle with the way that traffic is flowing and the way people talk to me. I struggle with my inability to control how people feel about me and what people think of me. I struggle with not being able to control how the schedule is and when patients show up for their appointments I struggle with managing time that is set before me and not being able to control things i dont even know are going to happen.
Unknown happenings are probably the scariest things for me I struggle with the unknown not knowing how it will affect me and when. I dont like knowing that anything can happen and there is nothing I can do to stop it. I dont fear death I fear I cant control when and where it will happen. I fear outcomes that not even the person involved knows.