ADHD in the Workforce

I am the nightmare employers hear about in their scary bedtime stories. I am the unseeming person employers fear when they are sitting in an interview. I am the employee that quits- out of the blue- I am the employee with ADHD.

Note: I have never been medically diagnosed with ADHD, and I wanted to make that clear, because I don't want to be disingenuous. I didn't just read a few articles, watch a few videos, and suddenly self diagnose. I have been struggling with symptoms of ADHD my entire life. It took a long time to realize, accept, and cope with the fact that I "may" have ADHD. I asked all my friends and family and every single one agreed with my "self diagnosis." It is not carved in stone by a doctor, but anyone with an idea of what ADHD looks like could confirm. I definitely appear to be ADHD. How does that saying go? If it looks like a Duck, and quacks like a duck... then it's an easily distracted duck.

I chose not to go to the doctor because what will happen if they diagnose me? Do I get a prize? Doctors might try to prescribe medications to me, but I don't like the idea of taking medications. That's just a personal choice, and I don't hate on people who take that path. I feel happy for people who are treated with medications, and are happy because of it.

ADHD isn't as bad as it's cracked up to be. A lot of people will tell you (myself included) that it's a super power. For me, I'm artistic, I like to learn, and I like to think about incredible and wild ideas. Occasionally I feel like an outsider, and a weirdo, but I get through those days. Everyone has a thing. I count my blessings that my "thing" is ADHD.

Whatever you do to deal with the idiosyncrasies of your natural thinking state, the place where ADHD hurts me the most is at work. Jobs are the bane of my existence, and it's not because I'm lazy, it's because of boredom, insecurities, and... boredom.

I have the 3 month curse. If you have this curse too, let's cry about it because it sucks. The 3 month curse is when you find, apply, interview, and get a job (congratulations). You do your job, finish your training, keep a smile on your face, and excel at your tasks. At three months you start noticing how mean people are, how annoying certain tasks are, how boring your routine is, and your brain freezes in the morning at the thought of driving to work. Things make you irritable, tasks become harder, things that are easy seem to take more and more effort. Why are people so rude?And you get frustrated with them. Finally someone says or does one more thing, and it's the tipping point. You quit. There are better jobs out there.

Doesn't that sound super fun and healthy? No? That's because that is the thought process of a crazy person. I have been caught in this three month cycle for a while, and I've been trying my best to dig myself out of it. I've recently recognized (at the same time I realized I have ADHD) that other people aren't the problem, it's me.

Having ADHD makes having a job extra extra difficult. For instance, I've felt like an outsider since I was very small. I didn't laugh a lot, or play alot like my siblings. I didn't make friends very easily at school, or have any best friends. Now a days I can make new friendships easily, but keeping and maintaining them is challenging. I've always felt weird, and some of the stuff that comes out of my mouth has been laughed at or criticized my whole life.

I have a construct of fear when it comes to people, because I'm constantly afraid of being criticized, or ridiculed, especially when it comes to talking about myself. As someone who never shuts up, this is a huge problem. Because of my insecurities, I also have a bad habit of talking too much, over sharing, and talking before thinking. My mouth moves faster than my brain. As someone who gets bored very easily, I like to talk to fill the silence. I love talking, but I hate the aftermath of talking. No matter what I say (it could be good, bad, funny, or plain) I instinctively over think what I said and immediately assume that people are criticizing me for it.

Because I assume what people are thinking and "care" about what they think of me, I also take everything they say extremely personally. I take some actions and words as a personal attack, and I don't say anything, because I don't want to cause problems. I let these personal attacks build up, and fester until it's so much that I can't take it anymore, and... I QUIT.

If I know this is affecting my life negatively, and I don't want to medicate, how can I help myself?

Therapy would be nice... but I haven't hit it big on vocal yet, so we'll see.

A solution to my multitude of problems is, "The Four Agreements" written by Don Miguel Ruiz. His rules are:

Speak Impeccably

Don't make assumptions

Don't take things personally

Try your best.

Whether you have ADHD or not, this book is very insightful and helpful, and it has improved my life in little ways every day.

I don't want to spoil the book, but I'll give you a brief description of the four agreements. I'll summarize them, but this does not do the book justice, nor is my interpretation perfect. Just read the book.

To speak impeccably is to speak without sin. Don't lie, and don't put poison in this world. Language is a gift, and it should be used intentionally, and without a facade.

Don't make assumptions means that you can't read people's minds, so you shouldn't waste your effort in trying to do so. You're also disrespecting anyone you make assumptions about, by not giving them the same level of complexity and nuance you give yourself.

Don't take things personally means that whatever may offend you (whether intentional or not) it causes you more grief and pain if you let it in. Don't act as if everything that happens around you is targeted at you (whether good or bad). Let it pass by you, as if it wasn't you it happened to. (The book explains this much better).

To me, try your best is something that will keep your heart light. The book says not to do more than your best. If you try your best at everything you do (not more, not less) than you can rest easy, and things won't bother you as much. Again, the book explains this much better.

Even with these rules of life I still struggle with my jobs. I am still insecure, I still care about what people think, and I still sabotage myself in the workplace. Aren't I supposed to relay a message of hope right now?

The truth is, I struggle the most when I think I'm alone. When I think I'm the only one who suffers this way. I feel too rich to complain, and too poor to get the help I need. The only time I ever feel good is when I read about other people with ADHD and how they've overcome it. I feel connected to them, and I don't feel as hopeless anymore. They remind me that it's okay to be different. That's why I'm writing this... maybe someone can relate.

I've got a lot of spiritual, and mental training to do. I need to work out my brain muscles, and make certain connections stronger. I need to stay at my jobs a little longer, and make more friends without being afraid. I need to be myself. And if someone doesn't like me? They don't pay my bills, so they are of no importance. That's what my sibling said to me today.

I loved writing this story... but.... I know I shouldn't think this... did I overshare?

Yes brain... we did.

Thanks for reading.