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ADHD and Me

What It's Really Like to Live with ADHD

By Ava SheridonPublished 6 years ago 7 min read
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I was diagnosed with ADHD in November 2016 and my life to some extent; that is to say for the most part, has been how it was always supposed to be since.

What is ADHD for me?

It's having 50 tabs open on the screen all the time, and the screen is in my head!

It's probably not finishing this list! Because the sun has just come out or I've just randomly thought of a new event I want to do and must write it down straight away or I remember a conversation I had with a friend three weeks ago where I said I would look something up for her, forgot, and feel compelled right now at this second to do it, or... because it's Tuesday? Is it Tuesday today? Or Wednesday? I don't... I actually wanted to write about this months ago it just wasn't ready until now!

It's feeling physically sick when a task is too laborious or mundane.

It's chronic headaches when trying to complete a task I don't want to do.

It's dreading the next day because my to do list is longer than I have energy for all.the.time.

It's a reluctance to plan anything too soon. Knowing that my energy levels and emotions swing from one day to the next. Planning anything takes a lot of mental prep time.

Oh yes, hormone imbalance, chronic fatigue, it all goes hand in hand with ADHD.

It's having one productive day out of every 21, if I'm lucky.

It's intense intuition, knowing when people are lying. Because ADHD is paired with some paranormal heightened awareness shit, honestly! Walking into a room and automatically knowing who likes who, who has a problem with who etc. People who have very little integrity actually make me feel physically unwell when I have to talk to them because I have a face that doesn't lie! Haha! I can't pretend I believe someone when I don't. I can't pretend to be interested when I'm not.

It's forgetting shit! It's forgetting a lot of shit! It's worse than that it's forgetting the shit that is the same thing that you do every fucking week, really. Sorry Mum, she hates swearing I'm sorry I'll try not to....the fuck was I even saying...? It's actually been pretty horrible when it's affected my kids and my youngest son doesn't have his swimming kit again because his mum has a brain that can't remember routine stuff that should just stick. My phone and calendar reminders has changed my life I kid you not.

It's immense empathy and kindness, wanting nothing more than to help people and make the world a happier place.

I haven't only been diagnosed with ADHD in my life. In fact I was only diagnosed at 37. So what have I had?!

  • Depression? Yes
  • Anxiety? Yes
  • Paranoia? Yes
  • Diss illusions? Yes
  • Hormone imbalance? Yes
  • Suicidal thoughts? Oh yes
  • Depersonalisation disorder? Ooh that's weirder than any drug I've ever had!

And what of my upbringing?

  • Childhood bullying? Yes
  • Absent father syndrome? Yes

So I'm telling you all of this so that when I offer you the advice I'm about to, you know it comes from a deep level of past experience, and offered to you with a genuine passion and care:

I've practised a lot of self help techniques and exhausted positive thinking but let me tell you the sure fire route to confidence.

1. Do not change.

We think that hypnotherapy will help us change our way of thinking. Maybe, maybe not.

We can go on courses and read books and adapt in situations to fit in. STOP. Stop all of this.

Do you know what makes you feel inadequate, shy, not good enough? Because there are some areas and aspects of your life where that will be absolutely true!!!

It's true! If you think that you're lazy sometimes then it's because you are! If you think people don't like you it's because a lot of people might not!

It's tough but it's only once we accept and embrace all the shitty parts of who we are, stop making comparisons to others that we can free up some space in our heads from no longer worrying to see all of the amazing stuff about ourselves.

You don't fit in at work? Everyone else is more confident right? They laugh together? You feel left out? Good! Fuck it! These people are clearly not going to be your friends! And that's ok! Not fitting in is not a bad thing. Maintain your integrity and own that shit! Smile, always! You're awesome!

Do you hate how paranoid you feel when friends make arrangements without you? That's also fine you know why? Because you're a fucking human. We are designed to hurt and to suffer! How else would we recognise when something great happens and we feel amazing?

You don't have to be liked all the time.

You don't have to be happy all the time.

It's ok for people to not like you.

You're authentic.

2. Be kind, always.

Be kind to others yes, but more importantly ,be kind to yourself.

You won't always get it right. You'll fuck up at work, you'll hurt someone, you'll make mistakes. You're not designed to be perfect.

3. Stop comparing.

Something I'm very aware of is how many people I talk to who feel that they do more for others than others do for them. It hurts until you realise that instead of seeing this flaw in others, learn to love it as a quality in yourself. I'm notoriously bad for remembering birthday cards. It's awful honestly my mum has wanted to kill me so many times! But I know that there are qualities that I possess that she doesn't. We should be striving to stop blaming and start accepting, always.

Similarly, how many times do you see someone else do or say something and wish you had done or said that? And felt envious? Good! This is what drives you, this is what keeps you alive.

The most interesting phenomena for me is that as people we walk around every day with amazing talent. Each and every one of us, it's true. But we have this strange way of not appreciating ourselves if we are utilising a talent that comes naturally. I've always been told that I'm a good listener and a good writer. I'm caring. I'm altruistic. So I've pushed away from exploring careers in these areas because I wouldn't be challenging myself enough. Instead I've decided I need to be more educated, understand business, be more corporate, go to endless networking events until I fit in. I'm good with networking events now by the way. I can fake it 'til I make it! But, I'm not being authentic to myself and if you're not being your authentic self you will always be unsatisfied.

One of my daily struggles is dealing with people who I affectionately call "the mental health FOMO's"! These are the people who either think they're being empathic or genuinely want a piece of what you have. They're the types who are like "oh my god, I'm not even joking I totally forgot what I was saying mid sentence a few weeks ago and I'm scatty as anyfink, I really fink I've got that ADHD thing that you've got." No. No you haven't and... shut up. You are not relating to me or my mental health issue. You are downplaying it and this is damaging truly, especially to anyone else who overhears and thinks that maybe it's not such a big deal after all. My life has been debilitated massively in so many ways from having this brain that doesn't function as well as it should so please just stop it.

I mean, I got really tired around lunchtime yesterday until I had some sugar and then I perked right up again so maybe I'm diabetic right?

Don't be that person that carelessly labels yourself. Get educated. Don't be the person that says "Every night before I go to bed I swear down right I have to turn all lights off in right order then I check back door's locked when I know I've already checked it. OCD is that."

If you do one good thing today, learn about mental health and share your new found knowledge with others. Society in general still has so very far to go in it's journey towards understanding and acceptance. Can you get on board and help make that change? I really hope so.

Thanks so much for reading.

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About the Creator

Ava Sheridon

Professional Dominatrix in the south east. Writer of real life and erotic fiction.

Passionate about food, ethical living, zero waste, mental health, helping others, singing, reading, running, music, alternative therapies, crystal healing.

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