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Abusive Relationship

We usually don't notice it ourselves but others around us do. We usually won't listen to them. I've been in that situation, I'd like others to know the signs as well even when someone close to you is showing/telling you. Sometimes hearing it from a stranger than help you see.

By MICHELLE SMITHPublished 3 years ago 6 min read
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We all have things that we regret. I regret making the same mistake with internet dating. After getting out of a seven-year relationship of course I hid behind a screen for the next couple months if not even a year. Mistake not learned! No relationship stuck but being your twenties usually is the time to explore your options. Which is what I was doing. Then I ran across my next long-term relationship. Not what I was expecting but it is one that I am not proud of.

At the time I had my son. Recently just left someone and decided that the relationship with my so called, “best friend” wasn’t going to work out. I had been hanging out on a chat site at the time, of course not looking for anything but ended up meeting someone in the same city as me. When it first began it was supposed to be just a friendship that eventually turned into something more. Years of my life that I will regret even though now I look back and see that there were valuable lessons to be learned.

Most women can relate to being in an abuse relationship. Isn’t one anyone wants to talk about but lately it seems that it is was needs to be heard. We are usually blind when it comes to love, we choose not to see what is going on in front of us. As most abusive relationships this one started off like something magical. Then the nightmare began.

It all began with a couple visits, few drives and just hanging out talking. Should have been a red flag that the guy didn’t have a vehicle, but I was giving a chance because at the time this person just moved from California to Massachusetts. Another red flag should have been that he didn’t look for a job right away or even try to get back on his feet. Like an idiot I just ignored it and thought with time he would get his things together. Eventually family issues on his end lead to him having to move. At the time I was still naïve to the situation, I tried my hardest to help him out the best I could instead of just seeing where things go, I had pushed it. A mistake on my end. We ended up moving in together, leading to eventually him pushing me to find another apartment because at the time I was living with my grandmother who was helping with my son. Being naïve and arguing too much had gotten to me so I agreed to move out. I thought it would get better after that, but I was wrong.

Many things began to change from there. Verbal abuse had started, it was like no matter what I did it wasn’t enough. Eventually I found myself spending more money on him than my son and myself. Always doing things that he wanted to do and arguing more and more each day. I found myself apologizing for everything even when it felt like I did nothing wrong. Being young and naïve lead me to become in debt, when I had lost my job that I had for six years he blamed me because I wasn’t able to afford a luxury life for him anymore. At the time he didn’t keep a job, usual excuses as most people. It was tight for us. When I eventually got back on my feet I ended up working two jobs just to try and pay bills and support what I thought was my family. There are many details that had happened in this relationship that I know now I should have handled differently. Towards the end of about three years things had took a toll. I experienced physical abuse instead of just verbally. Never did I think I would be putting a restraining order on someone or even getting into depression deeper than I had ever been. I tried leaving multiple times but love being blind kept me trying. Even when I ended up being cheated on, I still ignored it and stayed blind to what was going on. I did my wrongs as well, I didn’t consider it cheating but it could have been. I did eventually start going back on chat sites to talk with people because as I was being put down I kept trying to figure out how to fix things. No matter what I did though it was still wrong his eyes. I lost a lot going through this relationship. To keep it short a few things are losing my car, going into debt, friends, jobs, etc. were what I had lost for staying as long as I did. At the time I wasn’t a saved Christian, I even had a couple abortions which I still regret and think of from time to time. However, I knew at the time it was for the best because what happened next wasn’t healthy either.

Instead of just boring you with all the details I’ll get right to it. I was raped and of course I denied it until a lawyer explained it to me. A restraining order was put on him but out of stupidity I took it away and took him back. I then ended up losing my apartment and having to move back in with my grandmother. Not a situation either of us were happy about. Things didn’t get any better when we eventually did move. I was still being verbally and physically abused. It has been five years since this relationship but every day it still haunts me. Time can only heal from this, but I shared my story because there are women out there who choose not to open their eyes to this type of situation.

Overall, I had help getting out of this situation after about five or six years of suffering in it. I did have to leave my own home to get away from him, but it wasn’t easy as I thought. Never did I imagine that I would need to lie about my where abouts. I always felt like I was being followed or watched. Even when I did jump into another relationship right away, I never felt safe. Which lead to that relationship not working out due to past experience.

You live you learn is what people say but situations like this you just can’t get over. I still struggle with it and since then I jump from relationship to relationship which isn’t me. This relationship changed the way I see guys, changed the way I think. I’m more cautious than I should be, but I feel like I need to protect my son from now on since he was involved as well. Giving advice would be wrong but sharing my experience I am hoping will help others see the signs. No one should experience any type of verbal or physical abuse from anyone. I had my challenges and I’ve done my wrongs. I’m not proud of what had happened, and it took years for me to get to where I am now. I know that if I and others can be survivors than anyone can be. Don’t keep quiet. Be heard!

trauma
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About the Creator

MICHELLE SMITH

An inspirational poet. Writing poems to show others that it is okay to show feelings another way. I've tried a couple articles but I've found I'm better at the poetry. Just want to inspire and encourage others through tough times.

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