Abused and Confused

To the woman who stays in a relationship that harms her soul, you know that it's time to leave. You battle your decision to take the red flags on as a challenge instead of the warning signs.

Your ability to love yourself is weak, and so is your self-esteem. He fuels the belief that you're not enough or worthy.

You tell yourself the scars will heal and that the abuse is tolerable. Little do you remember the life force inside of you keeping you alive while you pour all of your energy into his being.

He doesn't have your back, but you take him back. Your empathy is being abused by misunderstanding your gift. You understand his pain so you justify the dangerous situation he's made.

You allow the cheating and the mis-use of your body, and you keep him around because without him, you fear that you are nobody.

You claim to move forward, addicted to the hope of his changing, while the evidence shows he'll continue raging. You cycle through the confusion of his actions and then ask "What did I do wrong?" I'm here to tell you sister that your only mistake is choosing to stay too long.

Its been said that it takes an average of 8 times before deciding that enough is enough. In those cycles you believed in his beatings that it is your job to remain tough.

He paints you out to be the source of his problems and addictions too, but the real addiction here is with you choosing his abuse over the choice of saving you.

When he's doing great you remince on the promise he fed you of a life of forever. Deep inside you know he'll continue the abuse and his appologies become more clever. You've been told your value is in your looks and in your appearance. You've been used and abused and the emotional damage needs rinsed.

Your mind says that you're in love and you swear its not infactuation. You know it's time to leave and that builds up its own frustration. Who would you be if you weren't his victim and you cherished yourself more? You choose abuse becuase it feels safer than the unknown and whats in store.

You have a pattern of sabatoging your own heart for the trade of many lies and everytime you do this your spirit slowly dies. You fear the judgement that could come if you were to finally speak up. His hand taught you how to get in line and how to shut-up. You have little self-esteem when you believe he is your everything. When you self-betray I know you feel the deeper sting, and what pain that actually brings.

You know exactly what you need, yet fear keeps you in the vicious cycle of violence. You haven't stood up for yourself, and still know the truth in your deep silence. On the outside everything looks to be fine, until late at night while crying you know that you're dying. Loosing faith in your god, you wonder if you deserve this. You want to know your loved and by leaving you don't know that you'll be missed.

Your desire for love keeps you gripping him to your side, yet you know if you stary, it's you that lied. Lying to yourself allowed you to stay small in a toxic relationship for years. All you have left is collected pain and thousands of shed tears. You neglect the duty of loving yourself, and feel unworthy in your own presence. In his company you become fearful and your joy becomes dense.

You say silently that you're happy it's not always physical hurt, but from someone who has been through it, knows that you're being treated like dirt. He mistreats you and calls you fowl names. He's imprinting emotional wounds and playing phycilogical games.

His cell phone is his priority and quality time has been absent. In his neglect of you, its obvious you are an object, and something to rent. He waits to see how long it takes you before you threaten to leave and finally break. In this pattern its truly your soul that is at stake.

You weren't given a healthy blueprint for relationships from your parents or caretaker. Decide now that abuse is a deal-breaker. You're unaware of the beauty and light you carry. The real you is in there beneath the shit, just buried.

Here I am giving you the voice over the life that you have chosen, and now your finding this writing knowing that this truth has risen. Rise above the stories that say you can't leave because of kids, money, circumstance, and fear. If you don't choose yourself in this moment, it isn't likely you'll make the change next year.

If you could see your value and see your innocence, you would know in your heart that staying in the relationship makes no sense. You have a life waiting to be lived on the other side of the guilt and shame that are not yours to hold. Choosing a new life takes courage and it takes being bold.

Reclaim your power and choose the path you don't yet understand, and dedicate your life to falling in love with yourself all over again.