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A Year Later

How things can change in a year.

By StarlightifyPublished 3 years ago 4 min read
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From Portual, during a dolphin trip. May this bring you some happiness!

If you said to me this time last year that I'd be in a happier place with myself, I'd have called you a liar and laughed in your face. But, to my surprise, I'm not laughing. I'm not! In fact, I thank the universe for stopping me from trying to end my own life and convincing me in its own way to keep living. Because of the universe, I went against my original plan, and I am still here.

And God, thank you universe. You always hear the phrase "it gets better" whenever you are at your lowest, don't you? You don't believe it, can't believe it, because why would anything get better for you? How could it? Why would it? You have nothing going for you, and you don't hold out much hope for yourself, so why would anything change for the better?

Well, I promise you a hundred percent that it does get better. I promise you. I am living proof of that. My life was so different in my head a year ago that I went through so much emotional stress; past fears, still dealing with the break-up, my appearance views, the future, losing my friend when I was thirteen, and probably more that I cannot think of right now.

I used to think that I’d never be successful. I used to think that I’d never get anywhere in life, or that I was doomed to fail at every thing that I do. What if I couldn’t be a good writer? What if my choices weren’t good enough? What if my family were better off without me?

But now, I can see clearly. And I can tell my depression to go and chew on a cactus for being a bully. It used to try and convince me to give into my darkest thoughts, tried to make me see that I was nothing and was worth nothing to my loved ones, that I was never good enough for my ex. That my parents shouldn’t have had to bring up such a loser.

The thought of taking my own life and then almost doing it was enough to open my eyes. I told my parents the day after, and they looked at me with such horror, such sadness that I couldn’t ignore the thought of how much they’d have been crushed if anything happened to me. So, I decided that enough was enough and did something about it. No way was my SAD going to stop me from living. No way.

I went to counselling a month later around mid-March. The therapist was so kind to me and so understanding. She was literally just super sweet and helped me to understand that I didn’t deserve anything that happened in my life and how I was never the blame for any of it. It took some work, but it did work for me in the end. I can’t thank her enough for it, I still cannot thank her enough. I hope she does find this and see that she helped saved someone’s life because she’s one of the reasons why I’m living today.

Furthermore, I take medication for my SAD. It’s effective to help control my nasty depression, leaving me with the great comfort of knowing I have it under control and I don’t need to worry too much. I do however, get scared without it as I fear it will wreak havoc with my mental health, but I haven’t had a horrible day in a year.

It’s true! Last winter, I was so depressed and hopeless. Now, this winter just gone, I only had one bad day! I think that calls for a victory in my book. This is the best that I have ever felt in years. I owe it all to my loved ones, the therapist and my dear friends. I also owe it to creating videos as a way to distract myself during the winter months, and from that I made a YouTube channel! It’s been really helpful, and I haven’t even used the SAD lamp once this time! Extra bonus victory points.

Nowadays, I’m in a much better frame of mind. I don’t feel bad about myself any more. I know I can be successful and do anything I put my mind to, that I am not a loser or a failure, and that my parents do love me and want me to succeed. Not only that, but I am over the break-up too. Covid-19 has unfortunately given me a bit of financial issue though this is because one of my part-time jobs isn’t available right now due to the lockdown rules. In a couple of weeks I will be able to work with both of my part-time jobs again and money shouldn’t be a worry to me any more.

So, whenever you feel like you cannot get better or happier, I promise you that you can. This storm will pass. Believe in yourself, find ways to help cope healthily, and never give up. If you have a support bubble or system, never be scared to turn to them. You are not alone. You will never be alone. I promise you.

If you need an example of getting better, just remember me. I’m still here, and I am much happier after a year. Literally. Never give up. The universe loves you, and I love you. You deserve all the happiness in the world. You will find that partner, ace that job, and do the things you wanna do in your life!

Just don’t give up. Hold on. Keep fighting. We’re all here with you by your side.

coping
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About the Creator

Starlightify

Writer. Gamer. A person with many hobbies.

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