A Story of High FD

We often go through life, and admire the people around us that are successful, that have that life motivation that we cannot think that we can ever achieve. But we rarely think that any of those successful people we idolize struggle, or suffer at all. In our mind, we are always the only ones that are going through it.

And it is as real to us as it is real to them, but it's hiding in plain sight. And I was you as a kid, always looking up to role models, trying to understand how they are where they are, how it is that they seem to be lucky every moment of their life. Going through school and having controlling and strict parents, soon enough, I became that straight-A student that every teacher liked, with a close friend group around. At that time, I didn't know what depression was like, and nor did I have the time to deal with it. Years later, while at University, I kind of went on autopilot until one day I started to notice signs, and it was the day I was training to become a Mental Health First Aider. Funny how it works, but so useful at the same time.

Depression has many faces, and it is different for everybody, as while the symptoms are similar, the way a person experiences them varies. There are various professionals and doctors that explain that depression can inhibit the desire for activity and action, but high-functioning individuals keep going, in an effort to succeed with goals. What people don't realise when they look at the high-functioning people is that battling a mental health condition, no matter how small or severe it is, is often done internally and it can easily end up consuming us.

For me it's no different, and took me a long time to spot it. My day starts normally: I get up early, go through my morning routing, then get dressed nicely, put make up on, make sure I do my lunch and grab some healthy snacks, prepare my coffee, take one last look in the mirror to make sure I look presentable, and then am out of the door. And it's here, on my daily commute to work, where it first says hello. It's like I sit down on the train, and observe someone else's life. I know I am doing all the right things I am supposed to be doing, saying all the things I should be saying, and in the majority of things I am doing, you will find me smiling and really meaning it. But, what you and everyone else can't see, is the feeling of what's next, or feeling like something is just about to come. Don't know how to explain it really, like an outsider living my body.

But I am slowly getting through it, and so will you or anyone that recognizes themselves in this story. You can get treatment or help, so reach out to anyone you feel comfortable to. It is not easy, as people might question seeing your perfect life, seeing your continuous successes, being shocked at the statements you are making, but you have the right to tell you story.

There is no need to hide in plain sight anymore.