A Letter to My Eating Disorder

Dear Ana and Mia,

This letter is to say thank you!

Now that might seem slightly odd, thanking you for all the tough years you have put me through—17 years to be exact! I don’t thank you for the hurt and pain you put me through. Instead, I thank you for everything you have taught me!

Thank you for teaching me how to be what it means to be completely unhappy, to be able to handle situations where they’re completely out of my control, for teaching me to be humble for the little things and most importantly, thank you for teaching me how precious my life is!

I never would’ve known how precious life is if you hadn’t tried to take me away from it. I wouldn’t be able to fight the biggest of challenges if you hadn’t taught me the biggest challenges to overcome!

Thank you for being there like a sidekick whispering in my ear so I was never alone. Thank you for going quiet when you knew you were overcome!

Thank you for the reminders that you are always there. I hear you sometimes screaming...those sounds I fight to ignore.

Thank you for testing me, trying to drag me back. You will never have me back, for I am much stronger now.

Thank you for giving relapses, for I know how to fight these now. You will never win me over, I am powerful now!

Thank you for making me so low that I was so alone. You have taught me to fight for my life without intending so!

You have taught me my life is precious, that I have a reason to live, I have a family, a fiancé, friends, and a job I love; these things I have fought for because you didn’t believe I could!

Thank you for everything, for now know I am enough without you by my side, keep screaming in my ear for you will be ignored. I am strong now. You no longer need to be here!

Eating disorders are not a fad, they are not a phase, and they are not a diet. They are horrible diseases, they are real, they are raw, they can be life threatening!

If you or someone you know is suffering with an eating disorder, then you will see different sides to that person. They might become withdrawn, distant, aggressive, dismissive, outgoing. These are things I have personally been through!

I was lucky enough to have my fiancé, my friends, my family, and my work supporting me! They pushed me harder than I was ever pushed! I was also luck enough to be seen by doctors, counselors, dietitians, nutritionists, and psychologists. They put a plan in place for me and thankfully it worked. It was a long, tough road, but I'm glad I went throughout it as now I have the experience to help others, to give others advice and guidance if they need it.

These websites are great if you need advice and someone to talk to.

• Beat
• Mind
• Mental Health

If this reaches 1 person it’d make a difference!

I'm grateful for all the help and support I received, so it’d mean the world to me if I’m able to help anyone else suffering with this horrible disease, no judgement, no harsh words, just to be there to listen and guide if you want my help.

Please know that you are never alone in this journey and someone will always be there! Xx