A Diabetic Suffering a Deep Dark Doom
A feeling of overwhelming doom that suppresses the body
It's a sheer force like nothing I have ever had! You see, I am Diabetic and this disease is like nothing I have ever suffered from. It baffles me every day how it entered my body. Then, the doom came and it made me suffer.
The first time it happened, I was at home sitting on the sofa and then it hit me! There it was! Doom enveloping my entire body and making me feel low and uninterested in life.
I felt a rush go through me. It knocked me down and shattered the happiness right out of my body. Nothing had caused it or so I believed. It just appeared. I don't know why it came but it did.
It was the doom of immense darkness. A shadow on my soul or something that had cursed my body, stopping me from moving forward and achieving the things I wanted to do.
I am not sure why I feel immense doom at times but I do remember it starting a while after I was diagnosed with Diabetes Type 2 and then taking Metformin for it. Perhaps, having Diabetes brings it on. Whatever the cause, it's an absolute nightmare to have this feeling come over you because you simply feel at a loss and cannot do anything. It messes with your thinking process too and you end up feeling useless for hours.
The feeling of doom isn't something that happens in one day. It takes a while for the feeling to get inside of you and then make you feel useless. It stops you from doing anything too. You feel lost and down. You don't want to do anything. You are completely stressed with it. At present, whilst writing this, I felt the doom deep inside my body but I forced myself to type this article. I pushed my fingers on the keyboard and typed away as fast as I could. Once I got going, I couldn't stop.
I realized a while ago, that doing something productive can push the doom out of your body. Once I had finished writing the article it was out of my system. It's almost like an anxiety attack that comes and goes.
It's like depression but it can come and go quite easily. The doom is a bit different from depression. I class it as a kind of overwhelming anxiety. I don't take medication for it because I don't really need it.
The doom can come on when you have been diagnosed with an illness like diabetes or if you are grieving. It comes on slowly and over time.
The day it happened to me, I felt shattered inside. I felt an overwhelming so powerful that it made me feel lost and uninterested in anything. I couldn't do anything. I couldn't talk or watch tv or write. It was like I had been struck from behind and couldn't move forward.
Someone once told me that I might be having a psychic feeling but I don't believe that at all. If I was, wouldn't I be getting some information sent to my brain? No. It's not that at all. I know this because of the way I have felt.
The doom doesn't last long. It usually lasts for a few hours at a time or for a day. There is a way to get out of it but this has taken me a while to learn. Now, when I feel a doom coming on, I help myself to push it away.
It's easy really but it does take some forceful tasks to get it out of your system.
To be honest, you have to force yourself to do something that you may not want to do at that particular time. It isn't easy either.
Sometimes you feel like going to bed and just sleeping. I used to do that but it isn't the answer.
Here are ten things I do if I am feeling doomed with anxiety:
1. Open up a blank document on my laptop and force myself to write how I am feeling.
2. Write an article.
3. Read a good book.
4. Meditate by closing my eyes and thinking of nothing and breathing in and out.
5. Watch a good film in any genre that you enjoy.
6. Go for a walk in the fresh air.
7. Go to the gym and work out vigorously.
8. Drink some calming tea.
9. Drink plenty of water.
10. Jump up and down on the spot.
I know the last one sounds a bit odd but I have jumped up and down on the spot for a minute at a time and then stopped and repeated it every 15 minutes until the hour is up. It makes me feel better. It brings back the adrenaline to my body making me feel happier I have done something productive.
When I am feeling doomed, I always eat healthily because I feel it helps with my Diabetes and it gets me out of that mode of feeling doomed. Diabetics are supposed to stick to a healthy diet anyway, so I make sure that I am eating fewer bad carbs on a daily basis. I eat more protein, salads, and vegetables but not too much fruit because of the sugar spike it can give. Apples and blueberries are better though.
So, if you feel this way, don't let it take over your body. Fight it. Do something productive whilst feeling this way. I know it's not easy and you will probably not want to do anything, but you must try. If you don't feel like exercising, then just sit and watch a movie or some tv or read a really good book.
Always, make sure you are happy doing the task even though you have forced yourself to do it to get the doom out of your system.
If it continues and you are at a loss, then see your doctor.
Don't let it take over your life! You can beat it just like I have!
This article was also published on Medium.com via The Ascent Publication.
About the Creator
Denise Larkin
A writer with a BA in Arts & Humanities (specialism Creative Writing), studying for an MA in Creative Writing, writes poetry and fictional short stories. The author of Time to Run, The Island of Love, Darkness, and The Non-Human.
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