A dependent's sense of worth is like a balloon that quickly dries up when let go

There are people whose sense of worth rests on the validation of others. When others give them a positive evaluation, they will feel the value of their own existence; When others criticize them a little, it will cause the value of their own existence hormone exhaustion. This feeling is like a balloon full of air, a little let go of will quickly collapse. People usually call this kind of people glass heart, with this kind of people always have to be careful, because a little inattention can hurt them. With this kind of people for a long time, will feel particularly tired. From a psychological point of view, they can not say that they have any personality disorder, only lack of experience. Experience too little in life, so the heart is very fragile.

The rapid exhaustion of the sense of value

Especially wronged, uncomfortable

Even slight criticism can lead to special feelings of grievance, discomfort, and even emotional breakdown. First, I refuse the criticism and blame of the other party, and then I get angry and complain that the other party should not say such things about me. In their perception, I regard you as my friend, you are my trustworthy person, you should not criticize me, but should stand with me. Later, I began to blame myself and feel guilty. I felt as if I had done something wrong, so I was criticized and criticized by the other party. Finally began to worry, annoyed, afraid of being abandoned by the other party, afraid of their own loneliness in the situation. A variety of complex emotions, in the heart of the back and forth, endless.

Lose interest in a moment

When you're criticized, you lose interest. No matter what they are doing, no matter what they are about to do, as long as they are criticized by others, they will lose their motivation and enthusiasm in an instant. This is the moment when nothing is worth doing. For example, when they are criticized while eating, the food in their hands suddenly does not taste good; In the study of criticism, instant no confidence to continue learning; When you are criticized at work, you lose motivation instantly, and you don't know what the point of continuing to work is. Instant loss of interest is the most typical manifestation of a sense of value failure. When you are criticized, you should eat, drink and sleep, which shows that you are a person with a stable sense of self-worth.

Mired in self-doubt

As mentioned above, the person who is criticized will reject and deny at first, then get angry and complain about the other person. If you still don't get a positive response from the other person, you'll sink into frustration and self-doubt. They wonder if they are really worthless, why they always mess up, whether they will be abandoned, and whether they will be subject to further criticism and blame. The problem is not a big one, but it is constantly generalized in their self-doubt, and the final result is to deny themselves completely. They lack inner core values and core beliefs, things that don't change depending on what other people say.

Desperate to prove myself all over again

The sense of value is rapidly depleted, like a deflated balloon, and it wants to be inflated again. After self-doubt, the individual has a worry: "being abandoned by others". These thoughts come from an overdependence on others. In their core belief, they can't live without others. Under this belief, they desperately need to prove themselves again and win others' approval again. Of course, there is very little they can actually do, and the main means is to please each other. Regardless of whether others are right or wrong, they accept it unconditionally and even accept it as a standard. They cling to the idea that they can prove their worth by meeting each other's expectations.

How to change this psychology?

Understand your situation

If you find yourself behaving in the same way as above, you have a strong dependency. In your heart, you are always trying to please others because you are afraid of being abandoned. All your experiences of happiness, joy, joy, and satisfaction are based on the recognition, acceptance, and admiration of others. Knowing your condition is the basis for change. Your core belief is that you can't live without someone. You need to break this false belief by making it clear that whoever leaves you will have no impact on your life. You need to learn to take care of yourself and gradually wean yourself off dependence on others. Including life dependence, as well as emotional dependence.

What is value

In order to change this mentality, we need to understand what value is. Valuable things, not because of the will of the transfer. A $50 bill, no matter how hard you trample on it, will not change its value. The same is true of people's value. No matter how others evaluate you, your value will not change because of others' evaluation. Whether others praise you or belittle you, it doesn't make you any more or less valuable. That requires you to have core values. Be kind, be sincere to others, study and work hard. Be positive about changing yourself and accepting new things. These are unshakeable values that won't go away because of what others say.

Embrace your worth

The value of people is relatively speaking, some people's ability to create value is really high, but does not mean that you are worthless. It's like there are two bills, one for $50 and the other for $100. Can you say that the 50 is worthless? To accept your value is to accept your limit value. You may create these values by pushing yourself to the limit, but you realize yourself thoroughly, and that is valuable. Others may easily surpass your value, but that doesn't mean you can change your value. To accept the differences between people, to unconditionally accept their own good, also unconditionally accept their bad.

In short, it is important to establish core values that are intrinsically stable. Because only in this way, you will be able to do both.