A Cure to a Contagious Syndrome

Imagine you arrive for an interview.

You’ve prepared for weeks. You need this job to network your way up the ladder. When you enter there are 10 other applicants waiting. You expected competition, but you didn’t expect them all to be there first. Your heart starts to race as it pumps adrenaline throughout your body; you feel your pits moisten. Your focus shifts to maintain your confidence since it is vital for a successful interview.

What is a well known quick and effective strategy?

Start talking shit about your competition of course…and hopefully to yourself.

“Oh I see why they got here before me, they don’t own a mirror.”

“Am I the only one who came prepared?”

“These people have no idea what they’re talking about.”

By judging everyone around you without a single notion of who they are or what they are capable of, it allows you to temporarily manifest grandeur. Once the interview is over, you leave an unsuspected narcissist and everyone goes about their day unaffected.

Deficit or Defecient?

But since Covid, the need to feel superior over others migrated online and transitioned into a need to express superiority over others.

Stuffed-in-a-room-together is a thing of the past, along with the opportunities to experience an unexpected adrenaline rush in public spaces.

Social interactions are now the constant competition of content instead of people — we replaced adrenaline for attention deficit. Now adrenaline deficient; our society realizes an extremely contagious syndrome.

The Syndrome

Individuals can suffer from an uncontrollable tick which may or may not be immediately noticeable. As a person scrolls through their feeds, the content within becomes the catalyst to their syndrome.

In stage one: a person manifests delusions of grandeur as if they were physically in the room with the other parties. The realization they’re alone and on the toilet, triggers stage two: a tick commonly described as: “an unwarranted confidence in their phalanges.”

AKA Smarty Pants Syndrome

Experts think these ticks are due to small epileptic seizures induced by the individual’s manifestations. Seizures are not always noticeable and the ticks may be perceived as normal everyday movements.

During a “tick attack” the thumbs type and share imagined and/or speculative information which can be perceived as condescending , combative and irrational.

What are the experts saying?

• We haven’t heard anything from scientists yet, as they are currently researching cocaine, and its effects on lizards.

What We’ve Learned So Far

Results do vary from person to person, but our main concern is how quickly it travels through thoughts instead of physical contact.

60% of the time the other party will already suffer from Smarty Pants Syndrome.

40% of the time a random 3rd party will suffer from Smarty Pants Syndrome.

100% of the time there will be at least two people snapping at each other like bitches in public.

And any onlookers who attentively watch will inadvertently become infected as they think to themselves:

“What a bunch of idiots.”

Our Conclusions

You could be infected. So be mindful of your thoughts as they are contagious.

Rule of thumb

Because there is no effective way to determine the actual intelligence of any party involved; it’s best to approach your online feeds with the notion you are not the smartest person in the room.