5 Tips to Help Support Your Friends with Depression

I am certainly no stranger to the black dog appearing in my life. I've also watched my loved ones suffer in silence because, often, people don't know how to reach out and help them in a constructive way. Here's five simple methods to support your loved ones through hard times.

Tip 1: Ask them what they need.

This may seem self explanatory, but the amount of times I've had people offer unsolicited advice or things that I simply don't need is astonishing. It may be with the best intentions, but it's so frustrating when people reel off lists of what you should be doing and how you should be doing it when it is not helpful in the slightest. Instead, why not just ask the person what they feel would be helpful during this time? Ask them what they need from you. It might be something as easy as a cuddle. Maybe it'll be watering their plants for them or feeding the dog, but regardless of the action, it is hugely beneficial for the person to have a little load taken off their shoulders.

Tip 2: Make sure they're eating.

This can be a little tricky if you're not cohabiting with the person, but it can still be done. During depression, particularly for me, tasks like making sure I had a decent dinner and slept for more than three hours a night were nearly impossible. There is already so much buzzing around your head to be concerned with food and bed rest, but ironically, a full stomach and a good sleep are paramount in helping to feel a little better. If it's possible, it might be an idea to cook extra of your daily meals & stick them in your friend's freezer for when they need them. If they're a colleague, you could bring in pots of porridge for the both of you to have for breakfast. It's a very basic gesture that could perk them up & give them something less to worry about.

Tip 3: Offer them a sanctuary.

Part of being a friend is being there to listen and love when someone needs it. When I was in the midst of my depression, I often tried to stay with friends or sleep at a relative's house, as the change in scenery boosted my mood and made me feel less bogged down & cabin fevery. If you don't have the time or means to put them up in your home, suggest going on a day out together. Take your dog for a walk around the park. Go pick out some new flowers at the garden centre. Paint the bathroom. Something to get them active as well as temporarily put their mind elsewhere.

Tip 4: Be patient.

Watching somebody you love endure such a testing condition is no easy feat, and it can become difficult to maintain your own attitude about it. It may often seem as though they don't want to help themselves, or that they're not making an effort, but during this time, even things like showering and brushing their hair can seem like the most stressful of tasks. Remember that they are not being intentionally uncooperative, and just try to be proud of the little things. As it is said, Rome wasn't built in a day, and my Rome was colossal. Be patient. Trust me, they are trying.

Tip 5: Believe them.

An issue I often see is that some people seem to think that they know best. That they are more worldly and experienced and therefore can categorically determine exactly how/what/where/when in regards to others. If they tell you that they are having the worst day, don't then harp on about how you know somebody who's having a even worse day. I don't know why people make that comparison, as pain is subjective, and one person's worst day may be another's alright day. If they discuss suicide or harming themselves with you, don't scoff and kick up a fuss about how ludicrous the notion is. They trust you and deserve to be taken seriously, regardless of how you feel about the situation. Sit down with them and talk with them calmly. Show them that you acknowledge their feelings and will carry them if they need it.

These are just some subjective tips that I think would've helped me in my roughest times, but I think you could break them down and apply them to anybody with any mental health illness. Depression is a horrifically lonely & isolating experience, and the more we open ourselves up to acceptance and understanding, the more we can offer ourselves as crutches to the vulnerable and hurting.