3 Signs You're Dating A Narcissist

In today's world, we often think of the narcissist as an individual who posts too many selfies on social media or feels the need to update their post on every heart-breaking event they encounter/experience.

Are these attention-seeking behaviors? Yes. But it does not constitute someone being a full-blown narcissist.

A narcissist (NPD) falls on a spectrum of personality traits that more often than not result in a grandiose character. They are characterized by:

• an inflated sense of self/importance
• a desire for admiration and attention from others
• lack of empathy
• history of troubling relationships especially with intimate partners

A true narcissist is extremely selfish with nearly zero regards for another's feelings. They are not able to discern how their words and actions may make someone feel because they are self-centered.

It may seem easy to detect someone that is selfish or always carrying the conversation, but again, this does not detect a narcissistic person. Inconsiderate for sure, but not a narcissist.

That is why I have compiled a list of three primary behavioral patterns an individual will display that can help you to detect if you are dating a narcissist.

In The Beginning, They Were Charming

"I don't understand! He was so nice and considerate in the beginning."

If I had a dollar for how many times a person's first impression was so far off from how they truly were, I wouldn't be here writing this article. But here we are.

A narcissist needs to put on the best version of themselves when you meet them, this is their time to shine! They will give you a hefty compliment sandwich followed by the numerous ways you impress them; your smarts, your ability to communicate, your skillsets are just a few things of what you might hear in the beginning. This is known as, love-bombing.

Love-bombing is a narcissist's way of manipulating you into thinking that they truly care about those qualities you possess.

Not that you are not any of those things, but what you have to understand is that a narcissist knows you need to hear those things. They may even express how they are falling for you so quickly when you have only known them for a few weeks at best.

Odds are, if you feel like they are moving too fast it is because they are. Trust in your gut because it is a whirlwind to undo that tangle of web they weave.

Unapologetic

"This wouldn't have happened had you just..."

Because a narcissist lacks empathy and the ability to discern how their actions may impact others, it's no surprise that you will rarely ever hear these individuals apologize.

Narcissists are known for never seeing a disagreement from someone else's pov. Having an argument with them may feel like you are suffering from emotional whiplash, and quite understandably. During an argument with a narcissist, you may hear them saying things along the lines of "this wouldn't have happened had you just...".

Now does this mean if your partner does this that they are a narcissist? No. But if you find that conflicts are never resolved and the blame is constantly shifted over to you, then this is a pattern that should not be overlooked.

Avoid negotiating or arguing with a narcissist. It is not easy, and if you fall victim to it it will make you feel as if you are going crazy. Instead, clearly state the facts of the situation and move on. A narcissist wants all the control and power in a conflict, doing this will remove them from having any power or control over your emotions during an argument.

They Don't Have Any Long-term Friendships

As you age through life friendships come and go. Some people are more introverted than others and have social anxieties. If you find that your partner only speaks to a few people and primarily chooses to hang out with you, it does not mean they are a narcissist. Some people like to be low-key.

BUT, if you are experiencing the above and know that your partner also does not associate with many (if any) then you need to do some further digging.

So why do most narcissists not have any real long-term friendships? Because their ultimate goal is power and control. This causes most people to be a threat in their eyes, a competition. If a narcissist feels as though their true self is going to be exposed or that someone is more capable than them, they will cut this person out of their life.

This may result in your significant other giving you slack for hanging out with your own friends. They may accuse you of doing things you truly are not doing when you are with your friends or control when and where you may see them. They will make you feel guilty for spending time with a friend alone partly due to your attention being on someone other than them.

Questions To Ask Yourself?

• How does my partner treat people they do not know?
• Does my partner have people they refer to as "nemesis"?
• Do they try to compromise or apologize for their actions?
• Do they support you and your goals?

If you are diligent, it is easier to detect a narcissist than you think. Even if they do "woo" you on the first date, odds are their true colors will show very soon. Subtle things they may do is;

• talk negatively about others and the successes of others
• quick to anger and frustration over simple things
• rude behavior to those within the public community for no justified reason
• constantly talk about themselves or things they have accomplished
• have little to say about previous relationships they have been in

So You Think You Might Be Dating A Narcissist, Now What?

There is nothing you can do to change a narcissist. You will always feel empty in your efforts and will cause yourself more heartache in the long run. Nothing is special enough for them because in their eyes they are the only ones that are. Therefore, never expect them to change for you because they "love you".

They will make it hard for you to leave because then they lose control and have to start over. Do not be fooled into thinking that this is an expression of their love for you. They do not love. The best thing you can do is plan for your exit.

• reach out to empathetic friends and family
• journal positive feelings about yourself
• seek guidance from a therapist
• focus on a hobby that use to bring you joy
• build a network of supportive relationships

*This article is not meant to diagnose someone with NPD, rather it is used as a tool to guide you through unacceptable behavioral patterns within a relationship. This article can be used as a way to determine if you are in a relationship that is unfulfilling and unthriving.