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3 Lessons that Changed my Perspective on Life Forever

Key aspects of my duel process that transformed me into who I am today.

By Carlos VelascoPublished 2 years ago 6 min read
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Photo by Stefan Stefancik from Pexels

It was December 2020, a 17-year-old boy has just got dumped by his ex-girlfriend. That kid was the kind of guy that attached himself too much to whichever relationship he was in. He made his biggest priority, and honestly his only reason to exist, being able to make his partner happy. Regardless if he was feeling like shit, he was still going to make the whole effort to make sure she knew that he loved her. And when things had to end, his whole world fell apart. He felt like life has just lost its meaning.

And yes, that boy was me.

I wanted to bring that up because I will tell you how I’ve evolved since that event and how my perspective on life has changed entirely and how can you apply these things to your life, or if you are just curious and want to see how I dealt with that, come ahead and grab a seat.

Don’t be afraid to touch your lowest point

This is something that I struggled a lot with, since I’ve always been a positive person, and I couldn’t handle the fact of me just being lost emotionally and mentally.

“How can I stop this feeling?”

Those were the type of thoughts that were running through my mind each day for 2 months. Until I decided that enough was enough, and the assistance of self-help books and some therapy helped me realize that the daily conflict that I was going through wasn’t because of the situation that happened, it was because of my mentality of refusing to be depressed or anxious (or both), and my attitude towards that.

I was being dominated by my fears that I shouldn’t feel bad and keep remaining positive no matter what. And by doing that I was limiting myself to experiencing the real beauty behind letting yourself be sad, which is that you are telling yourself that it doesn’t matter if you cry or stay in bed for a whole day, you are still going to love yourself despite everything.

A lot of things in this life work paradoxically

When I decided to finally accept the state that I was at, and let myself feel whatever I felt, it gave me the sensation of a lot of weight that I was carrying being purged out. It felt like I was a lot lighter. And then I could finally understand that it was because I was intentionally rejecting this feeling that it felt more intense inside of me, and when I embraced it and accept it, it progressively faded out.

It was this happening of events that made me realize that life is this way. When you actively want things to happen forcefully, they tend not to happen. So, from this point and on, every time that I want something to happen, I acknowledge it and I consciously decide to not want it anymore, because if I let things flow naturally, I shall receive.

From that mental point, I could use the times of melancholia in my favor. I could see that this was for a purpose that perhaps in the time I couldn’t see, but I knew it was there. I rebuild myself from the bottom, and I did it just by changing my thinking about going to my deepest point.

The need to control the uncontrollable leads to a direct path of suffering

It’s in human nature to seek control on every aspect of our lives because it brings us security, reassurance, and knowledge on the possible future. And yes, having control over the things that are within our range is very important to have a structured and good life. But here’s the problem: we try to have certainty over everything we know. We try to remain in control over things that are just as unpredictable as ourselves.

For example, we know we can’t control death, so why do we fear what’s inevitably going to come eventually? Why not embrace it? Why not accept it?

That brings me to my next point.

Love is unpredictable

Love is chaotic. Human nature is chaotic. That’s why love is so appealing to us because with it comes uncertainty, unpredictability, and not knowing what the next day will bring it’s exciting to us.

That’s exactly why stressing and trying to make everything perfect in love is so pointless. It’s just a waste of energy. The need to control the uncontrollable is just going to make us fall into our undoing.

Instead, the things that are out of our control, the best is just to let them be. Let them flow with life. At the end of the day, things will play out as they were meant to play out in the first place.

Mentality is everything, and mentality is a matter of choice.

The truth is that nobody is going to save you but yourself, and the most powerful change you can make for you to feel confident, self-aware, and secure, in other words, feeling your true self, is to adopt a strong mentality. And you want to know a secret? You can decide which mentality you want to have. It’s all that easy. The mind is the most powerful organ we have. Use it in your favor.

Incorporating the other 2 aspects I talked about before will help you to build a strong mind, but something as powerful as those needs to be introduced as well, and that something is patience.

This is a process. This will take time. You can’t expect changes to arrive immediately. You’ll have to be willing to accept and confront the challenges that will come, because through them you will be able to grow, and that’s how we can progress and have a better life.

Having this new perspective of life helped me reach who I am today, with such energy and passion for everything I love. And the most beautiful thing about having this new mindset is that whenever I look back into the past, whenever I see my younger self struggling with conflict, whenever I get those feelings back, I can say “Thank you”.

Being grateful for everything in my life has been one of the best traits I’ve gained during this process. Knowing that what happened in the past had to happen, because I needed to live that experience for me to learn from it and apply it. And therefore, become a version of me that is better than the one from yesterday.

So, what did you learn today?

Are you going to make a change within yourself?

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