2:29 am

It starts with a heart palpitation. I get those a lot now. The doctors say there's nothing wrong with my heart. Regular hospital visited became a schedule. Once I woke to my lungs failing me, only to find out there wasn't anything there. I realized now that it isn't my heart or lungs that had problems. But the demons that constantly wanted them.

I moved into my grandma's not too long ago. I got kicked out of my mother's and been leaving a couple of places since then. But I haven't felt this way in a while.

I sleep by myself now. I use to live in a room with my two younger sisters. I never had to be by myself before. I hate it. Sometimes I think they are, but I look to the side of me, and there' just an empty white wall. And the demons had come around to take that to their advantage.

They figured out that the one thing I wanted in life was stability. Whether that be at home or with friends or family or financially. Now I didn't have that. I barely get to see my sisters. I don't have a place to call home. Even tho I do have people willing to support me, I fail to make my own steady income, something I've been trying to do since I was 15. I had only one desire and that was to be able to have a place of my own before I left my mother's at 18.

They saw that. Grabbed it with their cold, dark intentions and started giving me hell. They mess with my health, they wanna see me weak. They try to make me vulnerable and bring me down to my knees and watch me shed tears of defeat.

Exactly how they did tonight. They woke me up. My heartfelt a bit heavy, so I sat up and tried to breathe. I thought it was my lungs. 1...2...3...I was fine. My phone was sitting on the pillow next to me. Clicking on the screen, it read 2.29 am. It's been three hours since then.

Youtube was one way that helps me to fall asleep most of the time. So I put on one of my favorite rainfall sounds and closed my eyes. I couldn't get comfortable. Everything feels so wrong. Then a sudden thought went through my head.

I suppose I was thinking a lot of things before that. Inappropriate thoughts. I said before I get lonely. The one thing that comforts me is sex, but it's the middle of the night, and who would come to comfort me at such a time? No one I know.

I know the demons were behind this. They knew this made me vulnerable. They knew I would feel lonely. So they went into my head.

No one was here for me. Everyone who said they would be is now gone forever from my life. Liars. I hated myself for trusting people who gave me half-truths. But I knew I could always talk to my sisters, but they were sleeping.

My sister who is one year younger than me turns 18 next year. I dread the day when my younger siblings decide it's time to leave and it would be harder for me to get to them. They're the only people I have in my life right now.

Tears began to roll down my cheeks. I didn't want to think about it, but I had to. They were there for sure and wanted to see me broken. Instead, I hop on here and began to write. My thoughts are now in order. I have a lot of fears, but I shouldn't let them rule my life. Now I have a good outlet for that. Hopefully, I can sleep peacefully and to anyone reading this. Good night.