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Right now, somewhere in the world, someone just killed themselves. They were someone’s family, someone’s loved one, someone’s reason for being. Most of us will never know if they remembered that about themselves in their last moments.

“Their last moments.”

Saying that bears no weight in this modern age. Thanks to all the technology that cements our meaningless legacies of pictures we took of ourselves doing the most menial of things, we feel comfort in saying how the lost will always be remembered and will live on in our hearts. We don’t think about their last moments because our hearts shield us from feeling such a reality. Religion and politics aside, a person who once was will never be again, and by their own hand, which leads one to ponder the cruelty of humanity when one dares to be themselves.

We say we’ll never lead you down a path so dark. We promise happiness and support, with our sincerity sealed with a pinky promise, because all of this is already in our unwritten friendship contract. If our hearts could feel the true weight of this promise, we would sink to the ocean floor. We make this promise because the reality is that one day, we might see you for the last time, and we won’t know it was the last time. Facebook, Instagram, blogs…they’ll always be there, pacifying our grieving hearts for someone who will never stand in front of us again. We don’t want to think that one day might be the last time we get a text notification from you. One day, we’ll never be able to text you back. One day, someone else will have your old phone number. One day, I’ll never hear your voice again, and there is no remedy for that kind of heartache. One day might be the last time we ever hear your infectious laughter, see your smile, and feel your energy. One day might be the last time we ever talk.

When we were kids, before we had the social maturity to understand life and death, there was only our innocence. Somewhere between recess and study hall, we made friends, met people who will love us for the rest of our lives, and molded the foundation for how we saw the world. No one understood that one day the world will test the spirit of its children, or that the world will claim some of them along the way. No one realized in the moment that our parents were sending us out into the world with the same heavy heart of a soldier’s mother when they ship out to war. We didn’t realize people loved us this much. We don’t even realize how much people love us today, right now.

Friendships can stand the test of time, but we are no match for the darkness of our own demons. Where friends found homes in our hearts, so too did all the infernal emotions that eventually turned into severe depression and anxiety. And there, they will fester until one day we find ourselves losing the will to live because we think we’re doomed fight these demons alone. It has stolen our innocence. But it will never take away our mother’s love, our friends’ support, or the one friend who knows without a doubt that you’d take your own life if they gave you their blessing.

Despite heartache, depression, and the complete absence of joy after all these years on earth, you’re still breathing. Despite all the reasons you’ve found to die, you’re still here. You’re not desperate to die. You’re desperate to feel alive. So, cry. Cry for everything that made your heart feel this empty and alone. Cry because everything sucks. Cry because it’s the only thing you can do. Cry because it puts new air in your lungs. Cry because there is still so much more life left to live and it’s going to be exhausting, but it could be worth it. And it doesn't matter that it's going to be hard. It matters that you stay here and live through it with us because we don't know what we'd do without you either. Right now, somewhere in the world, someone just killed themselves. It doesn’t have to be you.