Young Love with John and Raphael in the shot

I at the time this was written three other stories with John and Raphael. Note all of them are self-contained and may controdict each other. Some are heavier than others, while some are just light and cute.

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Some background knowledge:

I am transmasculine myself and have been on Testosterone(which, in the community, is just called T) for almost four years now. I don’t exactly know why but you're not supposed to start T before the age of fifteen, but you can be on puberty blockers that prevent assigned sex puberty from happening. “Being on T” means that someone is taking testosterone. T normally comes in shot form, as they have yet to make in pill form, other methods include gels and implantable pellets.

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I woke up a little after ten, looked at my phone to see my boyfriend’s usual good morning text, this time it was also a happy birthday text. My face lit up as my groggy mind remembered that today was my birthday, my fifteenth birthday, and the day I finally get to start T. Due to the fact that my endocrinologist was on vacation this week, I was going to give myself the shot. I had everything I needed, well except John, I wanted him to be here for this milestone, and he wanted to be there as well. As I got ready for the day, I texted him saying that I was up and ready for him to come over. My parents were out getting things set up for the party they were throwing for me with my extended family that evening. They always do something elaborate, and I always hate it, there are too many people focusing on me.

Soon there was a knock at the door, and when I answered it I was attacked with a hug. “How’s my favorite birthday boy doing?” he grinned, pulling back and gave me a quick kiss, making me blush as he came into the house.

“It’s good but much better now that you-u’re here,” I avoided eye contact as my face went red and my anxiety spiked. I can't believe I just said that.

He noticed my unease so he posed like a superhero from a show that we like, and tried to mimic his voice as he said: “because I am here!” the superhero’s catchphrase. This made us both laugh, no one else knows how to relax me with a joke like he can, he always knows just what to say.

He pulled my small prepubescent body into a hug, I hugged back, resting my head on his chest, I felt at peace, which is not something I often feel, but I always feel that way when he’s holding me, it’s like the world, and all my worries just melt away. Eventually, he let go. I looked up and got lost in his deep blue eyes that I almost didn’t hear him asking about my shot.

“Yeah, the stuff’s in the kitchen,” I remembered, snapping out of my trance.

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I sat down at the table with the syringe, the serum, a Band-Aid, and an alcohol wipe. John was sitting right next to me. Thi-is goes in my thi-igh, so I-I'm going to roll up my sho-orts," my nervous stutter was back, this was one of the few things that I didn’t fully think through beforehand, nervously, I watched John for a response.

“Ok, if you’re ok with it so am I,” blushing slightly, he gave me one of his big smiles, a sincere one, not the one that he keeps plastered on his face. I nodded as I grabbed the bottom of my shorts and rolled them up, stopping once I reached my boxers, not quite knowing how to continue. I only needed about five more centimeters to get to the right spot. Blushing, I took a deep breath as I rolled them back as well, allowing him to see the bunched-up garment, and more thigh than any non-medical personal has seen since I was little.

Next, it was time for the serum. We both worked trying to get the serum into the syringe, even though it took a lot longer and was a lot harder than I thought it would, it was fun because we were doing it together, John made a lot of funny faces while trying. Once done, I ripped open the wipe and wiped the part of my thigh where I’m supposed to make the injection. I held up the syringe went to put the needle in me, but I stopped about four centimeters from my skin. I couldn’t do it. I laid it down on the table, I was careful that the needle didn’t touch anything. I really wanted to do this I wanted to be on T, but I could not do that final step. My heart rate and anxiety spiked.

I felt a tear run down my face as my gentle giant grabbed my hands, “what’s wrong Raphael?” his voice was full of worry, despite him trying not to sound that way so I wouldn't get more anxious. More tears joined the first as I freed one of my hands and grabbed my covered arm, I didn’t need to lift the sleeve for either of us to know what was under it. I pushed it up anyway, revealing the scars that it hid. I brushed my fingers over them, feeling the slightly raised skin from when I had a blade indent it.

“It’s bee-en almost a ye-year,” I whispered.

He knew what I was referring to, it has been almost a year since I last self-harmed. My boyfriend was one of the few people that knew about that bad coping mechanism, he found out a few years ago. He was the one who got me to stop. I always wore long sleeves, even in the summer so no one else would find out. He wasn't smiling, nor did he have any form of goofy expression on his face. He knew this was not something to joke about. He leaned over, picked me up, and put me down on his lap, where our bodies were perpendicular to each other. He wrapped his arms around me in a tight hug. and I rested my head on his shoulder. He gently kissed my forehead and held me while whispering sweet nothings in my ear until the tears stopped.

“I-I know it’s different bu-ut I’m afraid, what if the pain free-els goo-good?” the last part was barely audible.

"It won’t,” his voice was soft and gentle, yet firm and full of confidence. I wish I had his level of confidence about, well, anything, “you’re different now, you're stronger now, and this has a good purpose, you’ve been waiting for this day for like forever!”

“ John?” I asked meekly, “can yo-ou give me the shoo-ot?”

“Of course!” he responded, with a sincere smile. He paused for a second, “how do I do that?” he laughed, despite the situation, a small smile appeared on my face, he’s always so eager to please even when he has no idea how.

“You just need to stick me with the needle in this area, and slowly push down the top so the T goes into me,” I rolled my shorts back up and rubbed the area on top of my outer thigh, “we probably should get another wipe to disinfect it again,” John, immediately put me back in the other chair, and got up to get it, despite having no idea where it was, he’s more comfortable searching for things in my house than I am. “The wipes are in the draw to the right of the stove,” I directed.

He brought one over and opened it. Then he paused, blushing, “Why don’t you do this part,” he gave an awkward laugh. I started blushing when I realized where he would be touching. I nodded and wiped the area.

“So I just shove this into you?” he questioned.

“Ye-eah.”

“Ready?” he asked, syringe about three centimeters from my leg, I nodded and he pushed it in, slowly trying to make it hurt less, though I thought that that actually made it worse. I stayed quiet, I didn’t want my boyfriend to think that he was hurting me.

Once it was all the way in he looked at me with those beautiful blue eyes. “So I push this thing down?”

“Yeah, just don’t push too hard, or you might break the syringe, the testosterone will take a while to come out.”

As he did, I felt it go up and down my leg. It was an odd unpleasant feeling. Eventually, it was done, it hurt as he pulled out the needle, and I put the bandage on. It didn’t feel good like that blade did.

“How do you feel?” he smiled at me.

I smiled back, I was officially on T. John giving me my first T-shot was the best birthday present I could have asked for. “Perfect,” I whispered. I got up and brought my face close to his, I never had the confidence to give him a kiss so that was how I asked for one. He answered while pulling me into a hug. Everything was just perfect.

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If you like this story, fear not! There are more installments out, with more on the way. I also have several other series and a collection of poems. For more information on the others stories, and when the next chapter will be up, click the following link or the one in my bio. It’s the same link!

The Link

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