Young Love with John and Raphael in Scars

Author’s Note

I have a link to a light and sweet and cute story of these boys that I wrote. The link is posted at the end of the author's note as well as at the end of the chapter. This is a heavy chapter, but there is still some sweetness.

Trigger/Content Warning: s*lf h*rm scars, non-graphic talk about s*lf h*rm/c*tting, depression, and possibly a very brief mention of what could be body dysmorphia. Take care of yourselves. Not a warning but, John is an amazing boyfriend.

This isn't a sex story it starts out a bit... Steamy. If you don’t want to read that, skip to the fourth paragraph, everything will still make perfect sense.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

John and I have been dating for over a year and had been friends since third grade. He knows that I struggle with my mental health, but there are some things I keep even from him until now, but I wasn't thinking that logically that night.

We were in my house, alone and we were on my bed, John propped himself on top of me his athletic body allowing him to hold himself up so the larger boy’s weight didn’t crush me. He was bombarding my face and neck with kisses, while he gave me a chance to breathe after making out. My eyes were closed as I involuntarily let out a moan of pleasure. I felt the kisses stop as he grabbed the hem of my shirt. I looked up and saw his big blue eyes staring at me. “May I?” he asked, he always wanted to make sure that I felt comfortable. We're both boys, and it’s not like he hasn't seen me topless before. Briefly while changing in locker rooms, so I agreed. What I didn’t consider was how close we were and that he had never seen me topless when we were alone. Just the two of us. In a bed. In an empty apartment. But I was caught up in the heat of the moment. I was putty under him. I nodded and brought myself into more of a sitting position as he pulled my long sleeve shirt off of me, and tossed it aside. I could feel his eyes scanning my bare torso, I got a little self-conscious I hate my body there is nothing wrong with it I’m not overweight by any stretch of the imagination, but depression has a tendency of warping reality. I put my arms in front of me blocking his view slightly.

John took the hint immediately and brought his attention to my face as he got off of me, sitting on the edge of the bed. “Raphael? are you ok? Did I go too far?” he asked, his voice was full of concern and fear that he pushed me farther than I was comfortable. He put my comfort over his desires every time. I didn’t know what he saw in me, I didn’t deserve having someone like him in my life, let alone having him date me.

“No it’s just...I...” is managed to stutter. He was about to get my shirt when he grabbed my hands and noticed something. Something that I’d rather him not see.

“Raphie, baby, what happened to your arms? Who did this to you?” he stroked my hair as I looked down at my lap.

Of course, he wouldn’t know what those were, he was always so happy and optimistic, what would he know about depression.

“I-I cut th-them,” my voice was bearly even a whisper. For a moment all I could hear was the rapid beating of my heart, as my boyfriend processed that statement. Whenever I’m was going to have my arms exposed I’d put cosmetic coverup on. John might not be very book smart, but he has social smarts. I was sure that he at least heard of self-harm before.

I felt his strong arms pull me up into a hug. I felt something dripping on my head. Were those tears?“ I’m so sorry, Raphael, I’m so sorry,” he whispered. I looked up at him, tears were falling from his eyes down his cheek and off his chin.

“John.. you-you didn’t do anything...I stopped” I trailed off. that was kind of a lie I was trying to stop, and kind of am. I'm two months clean, though I still have the occasional urge.

“Did you do it after we met?” I nodded my answer, not wanting to speak.

"While we were dating?" I saw the sadness, maybe guilt? In his face. I couldn't see him like that. I looked away and nodded.

He pulled away slightly and looked down at my arms and stared at the scars, and then he gently brushed his hand over the scars on my left arm. Feeling the slightly elevated lines, that I had a blad indent. I couldn’t do anything but sit there, afraid to move.

“Then you were suffering so much and I never realized it,” then he pulled me back into a tight hug, he was still crying. I still couldn’t believe someone like him could care about me this much. Eventually, he let go and got me my shirt. Neither of us was in the mood anymore.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you like this story, fear not! There is more where that came from. I have fourteen other short stories of this series written that I just need to post, and I am still writing more. In fact, there are other chapters posted, see the link in my bio, or at end of the page, for a list of what chapters I posted and

This story is not an isolated story. It is in the fact, while this is in fact, a fully contained story, but it is actually one of many short stories I’m writing about the two boys. These stories may take place at different parts of their lives, and different stages of their relationship

If you like this story? I have others in the collection, and I have and several different series that I am working on, as well as a poetry collection. I keep a google doc housing summaries of each story and all of the installations that I've posted in an easy to navigate google doc: Click Here then go to "Young Love under posted chapters"

Please, heart, tip, subscribe, and tell your friends!

~~Ben Ray