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You're just a prude

Myths, laughs and Asexuality

By Quaker-nomicsPublished 2 years ago 3 min read
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It's something I hear anytime the conversation is about Sexuality and I just so happen to mention that I'm Asexual. I get told that I'm just a prude or there's the other crowd that is hell-bent on the idea that we just don't exist and that we haven't "met someone who tickles our fancy yet". Sounds very similar to something that Gay and Lesbian people have been told at some point, Usually by some creepy, older family member.

The mythos surrounding Asexuality is astounding to say the least, that Asexual people can't participate in some "self-care" from time to time. We are human, we were born with the same variation of tools that y'all were, we just don't plan on using them to DIY a baby or an orgasm with another person anytime soon.

There are also the people who hear an Asexual making a dirty joke and are somehow flabbergasted at the idea that someone whose never done it, is making jokes about it. Alright, Karen, I assume you also step in as an arbiter when a virgin makes a dirty joke. No, you don't, because a virgin doesn't need to announce they're a virgin. Asexual people do therefore you have a fictitious or very narrow view of what asexuals are like.

Asexuals can and do make dirty jokes, 9 times out of 10 we're the ones with the dirtiest sense of humor in the entire friend group. Constantly joking about sex, still not sure why that is, despite me being exactly that. But for the uninitiated let me clear up the myths or misconceptions;

Myth - It's the same as Celibacy

No Asexuality is not the same as Celibacy, Asexuality is something you are born as not something you choose. I mean by our proclivity for making sexual jokes, do you think we would choose to make those jokes and yet not do the do. Probably not.

Myth - It's caused by a medical condition

No, Asexuality isn't caused by a medical condition, the same rationale as above. However, we are people, so it is perfectly possible and reasonable that someone could develop a drop in libido. But being Asexual, we probably just don't notice it due to never acting on it when it was there.

Myth - You haven't found the right partner

Already mentioned this one, I'll re-iterate. No, we're not confused, lonely, or still finding "the one". Many of us are in healthy long-term Romantic but not sexual relationships. We may find our partners to be the most beautiful and radiant creatures to ever grace the earth with their presence. But that doesn't have to translate to bumping and grinding every weekend like rabbits.

How can you have a relationship without sex?

In the same way, you can have a boss at work that doesn't shout at you or hate you. Honest communication about needs wants desires. If one person in the relationship is Asexual and the other isn't Asexual. That couple could opt for an Open Relationship, or agree on some intimacy with clear boundaries and an ability to cancel if they just aren't up to it.

Not to mention I'm pretty sure if you ask any man over the age of 45 whose been married 10+ years. According to them, being in a relationship without sex is pretty easy, you just complain about the non-existent sex life until your birthday rolls around.

Asexuality is a Spectrum

Asexuality is a Spectrum and on one end you can have Demisexual people who do experience sexual attraction but only once a strong emotional bond has been reached with that person, Greysexuals who do feel sexual attraction but only to a very minor extent, and then there are Asexuals like me, who have no sexual desire or attraction what-so-ever.

Conclusion

Asexuals are people, if you are interested in someone who is Asexual but you aren't Asexual then talk to them about it. Figure out where they are, what they're comfortable with. We do exist, we aren't as loud as many of the other members of the LGBTQIA+ Family mainly because we're at home trying to figure out what someone just asked us on Grindr.

I hope that this little, and it is little, most of my stories are at least 1700 words long, has given you some insight into Asexuality, the mythos surrounding it. Either that, It's given you a laugh, either way, thanks for getting to the end of this... whatever this actually is <3

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About the Creator

Quaker-nomics

My name is Abe, I'm a 3rd year Business Economics student mainly specialising in Alternative Business structures like Co-operatives and Accessibility. I mainly write about Business, Politics, Sociology and some personal stuff.

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