Why Do I Feel Excluded From the LGBTQIA+ Community

Ever since I was little, I knew I liked boys. Ever since I kissed the first girl, I knew I liked girls. Ever since I saw the first transgender, I knew I liked them too. Did it make me picky, unsure of my sexuality, weird? Many heterosexual people told me so. But it wasn't until I got more into social media when I saw people from previously only the LGBT community shaming me too. There was no QIA+ back then, but even though the B stood for Bisexuals, I did not feel like a part of that community.

Men said I was lying, that I liked girls and that I was trying to be "cool". Lesbians shamed me for being attracted to men. Now, some bisexuals identify as pansexuals and vice versa, and the same goes for me. Yet, I still feel excluded from this community, especially when I tell people that I am in a long term relationship with a man. The thing is, I do not care if you have a penis or a vagina in between your legs. I will always fall for your personality, and I find it surprising that people don't understand it.

I do not care if you have a penis or a vagina in between your legs.

When I started dating my boyfriend and was in an LGBTQIA+ collective, I'd say: "Ugh, why did I have to fall in love with a man," trying to fit in more. I hate myself for doing that. Peer pressure is a real thing, but I don't ever want to stand so low. Even now, especially on TikTok, I see bisexual girls complaining about being attracted to men. Why is it so shameful!?

With my head held high, I can now say: "I am pansexual, and I am in a relationship with a man." I love him, I do, and there's no shame in that. I wouldn't be with him if I didn't. Duh. Who would I have to feel bad about it? Sometimes it feels like even people from "my" community want/need me to choose. But then, what is the point of being part of an open, "accepting" community?

I see my fellow bis and pans (even straight girls) saying: "I hate that I love men." I don't understand why? Is it because it feels cool? Or because it is trendy? Because every man must be a monster? Why? We can't choose who we love, so why shaming people who can fall in love with anyone? Why does today's society hate men so much? They are human beings like the rest of us!

If you don't want to accept me for who I am, you don't deserve me.

Even though I am very confident with my sexuality, sometimes I feel unease telling the LGBTQIA+ community that I date a man, and I hate feeling like that. I fell in love with my boyfriend for his personality, not for his looks or gender. He is kind, funny, introverted and slightly awkward, just like me. It pains me to experience the shaming from my own community. A couple of years ago, I kept thinking that I'd do anything to be part of the community. But now, I don't care. If you don't want to accept me for who I am, you don't deserve me. Don't get me wrong, I know there are people out there who understand me and will have my back. But unfortunately, I only met a handful of non-heterosexual people who do.

It is a very strange feeling to have, the feeling of not belonging anywhere. I am from the Czech Republic, where couples of the same sex can't get married or adopt a baby and are still oppressed. Every time I visit my small hometown, I still feel like I have to pretend I am heterosexual, even in front of my family. I moved to the UK with the dream of finding my people and finally being accepted, and that was when I realised, as a pansexual person, I was not accepted either.

To all bisexuals/pansexuals out there that feel the same way, you are not alone! To other people from the LGBTQIA+ community that still don't accept us, please do. It is supposed to be an open-minded community that accepts everyone! And to the rest, who accept us as part of the community, thank you! Please come and find me, so I don't feel so alone anymore.

There would not be LGBTQIA+ without the B!