The Undercover Patriot

It was time to board the oversized bus. I said my final goodbyes to the small town of Eureka, Kansas. The CoachWay express was taking me to my new home, or should I say my new life. As I climbed the giant steps that lead to the inside of the vehicle I glanced at the driver, he looked rundown like he just ran a marathon or something. He starred forward the entire time as if he was caught in a trance. He didn't look healthy enough to drive at all. I hope it was just me being paranoid. Maybe he recently woke up and the caffein hasn't kicked in yet. I continued on my way to find my seat assignment. I strolled pass the other seats, gazing at the seat numbers and looking ahead to see if anyone was sitting in my row yet. There was another soldier already there sitting in J-25 B, my seat was J-25 A. He had a tempestuous look on his face like someone was making him enlist. Or maybe he just got some bad news from a girlfriend who broke up with him because she doesn't want to do the long-distance thing. Maybe he is in pain, I don't know. I tend to over analyze things at times. I can't help it, it's just who I am. I don't believe I'm a pessimist but sometimes it seems like it. I am a happy person and full of life. I would give you the shirt off my back, for a lack of a better term.

Anyway, I was not looking forward to asking the young guy who was full of emotion to excuse me so I can get by to my window seat. We were both around the same age, that should make it easy to break the ice if the time came. As I approached the seat, we looked at each other. His expression of angst continued but this time it was saying "I hope this dirt bag isn't about to sit next to me." Well, I had a surprise for him, it was me! All I did was gesture that I needed to get in. He didn't move out to the isle so I could get in without touching him, instead he just hunched up enough to where he was almost standing in front of his seat. I knew this was as good as it would get so I just went for it and grabbed my seat.

The vibe quickly changed for me, I could feel pent-up anger surrounding his person, the sadness of his soul was bleeding out for all to feel. He was a Debbie Downer. I didn't let whatever was bothering him get to me. I had a strict plan and was sticking to it. I grabbed my backpack and forged around for my phone charger. In the process a roll of wintergreen mints fell out on to the floor and traveled right in between his brand-new pair of boots. I pretended not to notice; they weren't important to me at the time. He noticed though, and just kept starring at them like he wanted to kick them out of his way. Then he did the unthinkable. He simply picked them up and without a word handed them to me. I spoke with a smile and said,

"Thanks man!"

He nodded then went back to hastily scrolling through pages on his tablet. I grabbed my laptop so I could find my orientation E-mail. I was excited to join the Air Force. I already made it through boot camp six weeks earlier. I knew what I was in for. I noticed that angry boy had a pamphlet with the words "Welcome to Camp Pendleton" We were headed to the same barracks. It was only a 200-mile drive, which equates to about a 6-hour drive by bus.

About 60 minutes into the trip, I noticed that angry boy had calmed down. There was still the occasional sigh from time to time. I felt like I should say something to him since we were headed in the same direction. His papers were still sitting out. I turned and looked at them, (making it obvious) then I looked at him and said,

"Hey, we are going to the same base!"

He looked down at his papers and said "Yep!"

Silence followed as I thought about the right thing to say next. Then, he turned to me asked,

"Why did you enlist?" I said,

"Because I want to be a pilot! My dad has a single engine plane and taught me how to fly it a few years ago when I was in High School. Ever since then that's all I can think about. The military will pay for my schooling. I'm not sure if I'm going career yet. Why did you enlist?" He paused for a second, bit down on his lower lip like he wasn't sure how to answer. He said,

"Peer pressure to do something with my life. I was a singer in a band before this. We had a lot of fun but weren't really going anywhere. My parents don't get it, sucess doesn't come over night. You have to work at it and work hard for it. They gave me some choices and I chose the military. I could have just moved out of their house and did whatever it is that I wanted but I don't have any money. By going into the military, I can at least save up enough to be on my own when I get out." I responded,

"Cool, cool... My parents can be a pain in the ass too. They wanted me to join right after high school, but I said no way. I needed time to think but what I really wanted was some time to have fun first, I didn't want to leave my life. That was until all of my friends finally moved away to college. I knew it was time to chase my own dreams... My name is Matt by the way."

By this time, he had gone back to scrolling on his tablet but must have heard the last thing I said. He replied,

"Oh, yeah My name is Brian, nice to meet you man!"

"Nice to meet you too!"

After the brief introductions we went back doing our thing. It was silent for a little while then he blurted out,

"Shit! what an A-hole." He was reacting to something he read.

"What's wrong?" I said, attempting to show concern,

"Nothing, it's okay don't worry about it" I simply replied,

"Ok..." Brian's angry look was slowly coming back. I continued with "Does it have to do with the reason you were pissed off when I first got on the bus?"

He turned and looked at me then looked back down at his tablet. I took that as a sign to back off, so I did... Then out of nowhere he blurted out,

"What is wrong with people?"

"What do you mean?... Can you be more specific? If you need to get something off of your chest then go right ahead, we won't get to the camp for another 3 hours."

"I don't know man. I'm having a hard time trusting people these days, but your right I need to talk to someone, and a friend of mine hasn't called me back yet. I don't know, give me a second."

He began gathering all of his papers and put them away. He also closed his tablet, set it on his lap and took a deep sigh. He turned to me and began to speak,

"Alright, a couple days ago I came out to my dad" I confusingly replied,

"Came out?"

"Yes! came out, I'm gay... He flipped out about it, saying I just haven't met the right girl yet and how can I be gay? I don't seem gay. I told him that not every gay man is obvious. He had a few other words, some that I won't say. Then he just stormed out and barely talks to me now. I told my mom 2 years ago and told her that I would tell him when I was ready."

All I could do was think to myself "WOW" This wasn't what I expected to come out of his mouth. I pried it out of him, so I guess I had to hear him out and give him some support. I'm not homophobic at all and don't care how people live their lives. The only other gay person I know is a cousin of mine, he is much older though, and I rarely see him. I looked at Brian and said,

"Wow! how did your mother take it?"

"She was okay with it, but still holds on to some stereotypes and told me that I better not get the HIV. I don't know what's wrong with people. I was born this way, leave me alone. The last thing my dad said to me after dropping me off this morning was "Come back straight!" That's why I was so messed up when you got here" I sympathetically replied,

"Man, that's a tough one, sorry. I'm not gay and I don't judge anyone for what they do. What you did takes guts, your dad will come around, it's still new to him. When did you first find out, you know...How did you know you were gay?" He shook his head a little then answered,

"I knew when I was about 10 years old, after I saw an episode of Where's Harry. They added a gay character and everything they said in the episode rang true for me. I finally knew what made me different. I was gay." I was still a little curious about something else, so I said,

"Ok, can I ask you another question?" He said sure so I continued with, "Are you planning to be out in the military?" He laughed, then answered,

"Why? Is it because you would be embarrassed to be seen with me if I did?" I quickly responded,

"No, I told you I don't care."

"Of course, I plan NOT to be out, are you crazy! I can be proud of who I am without telling anyone. I've seen what happens to some people when they come out in a place like that. I'll tell anyone I get close to, and if I start dating someone he would have to agree to the discretion or no deal. Don't get me wrong, I'm not ashamed of who I am and will stand up in this bus right now and shout at the top of my lungs that I'm gay to everyone here to prove it. I've never been in the military before. I don't know what to expect and I don't want to make anyone feel uncomfortable including myself. I was in the closet for years. I think it's best to go back in there, for now at least. I'm fine with going along with the Don't ask Don't tell recommendation. You better not tell anyone either!"

"Who would I tell, we are both going into this not knowing anyone and it's your business, I respect that, you have my word. Plus, I'm glad we met because now I will have someone to meet up with and talk to."

It was the first time I saw him smile. I think I helped to make his day a little better. I just hoped that he wasn't taking it the wrong way. I think he could be a friend as long as he doesn't start to like me in that way. He knows I'm straight, so he had to have respect for that. He doesn't look or act gay to me at all, which is another touchy observation. I guess we base it on the outward impression on a person before we develop a sense of who they are. I seriously would have never known. I had to tell myself to quit being paranoid. I'm not insecure about who I am so why was I having these thoughts about what could happen. Brian had what girls call the boy next door look, with an edge. He seemed more aggressive than me, and I played Ice hockey in my junior year. I think we will get along just fine. Satisfied with our conversation, he replied.

"That's cool man, it would be good to know someone right away. And don't worry, I'm not going to hit on you, you're not my type, plus you're straight. To set the record, I'm not attracted to a guy just because they are a guy, it doesn't work like that. I'm sure it works the same with you, you're not attracted to every woman you meet and not every woman is attracted to you. People just need to get a grip and realize that all of us are born just the way we are, I think that sums it up."

Not his type? It felt weird hearing him say that, for a few reasons. On one hand I got a fleeting felling of rejection. I've been rejected by girls before and it almost felt similar even though it meant nothing. I just never had a guy say it to me I guess ha ha. I'm glad he said it though, it made things less awkward when we were getting to know each other.

I learned something that day. My mind opened up to what other people go through and the challenges they to face on a day-to-day basis. It's sad knowing that we're not accepted everywhere we go. Whether it's the color of my skin, my sexual orientation or my beliefs, I can still run into trouble for any or all of them. The world would be okay if everyone was like me. I'm sure I'm not the first person to say that. No one should actually say that because life isn't designed to be that way. If everyone was like me, no one would like to rock climb, no inventions would be made. Say goodbye to art shows, runways, cats and tofu. All that would be left are sports, beer, women and airplanes. What a boring world that would be. We are all in this together and with everyone's interest, desires, knowledge, insight and the will to succeed we accomplish a lot in this world. If only we can collectively understand that our differences are not a threat to each other, imagine how much more we can accomplish together.

Brian and I are still friends to this day. I didn't go career, I'm in my last semester to be a commercial airline pilot. Brian is still at Camp Pendleton. He is the chief event organizer and teaches music on the compound. His father came to terms a few years after he came out to him. His only rule is no showing of affection when he brings his partner to family functions. Is it a perfect relationship? Probably not but it's a start.

What this planet needs is a little more love and a lot more acceptance... We are the ones in control of our own understanding of the lives of others. The more we know the easier it should be. I just wish it came more natural than it does.